


After Me Comes the Flood

by Qpenguin98



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bonding, F/F, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mind Meld, POV Second Person, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Male Character, humanized lions??, its really not that dark, theyre not human but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 07:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: The interior of this ship is cold and boring. The Galran soldiers that try to bond with you are cold and boring. Zarkon is cold and boring.You are sick of being cold and bored.A story following the Red Lion.





	

The interior of this ship is cold and boring. The Galran soldiers that try to bond with you are cold and boring. Zarkon is cold and boring.

You are _sick_ of being cold and bored.

At least on the planet you were hidden on it was warm. The life forms there were primitive but friendly. They couldn’t see you, only your giant lion exoskeleton, after all these years you’re still not sure how it works, but you could walk around and look at things.

Now all you can look at is boring drone, boring soldier, and even more boring walls.

You can’t feel the others. No Black, no Green, no Yellow, not even Blue. That’s the part that scares you the most. Back on your planet, you could always feel her, tickling in the back of your mind.

You try not to think about it too hard, but when you’re bored out of you mind every waking tick, it’s more than a little difficult.

There’s a new Galra soldier here today. He’s much younger than the others, and you can feel his trepidation in your core. His quintessence is weak and fumbling, and you laugh. They thought this would appease you? That _this_ would turn your favor to the enemy? After what they’ve done to your family, to your last paladin?

He still can’t see you, just like everyone else, shaking just slightly in his too big armor, and you jump down and stalk up next to him, eye level. You sneer in his face, and while he may not see it, something in the air changes between the two of you. His eyes dart around, breath heavy, and you laugh again.

Was he not expecting some sort of presence? You’re a lion of Voltron! The bond between paladin and lion is something special, something sacred. If he thinks he can just walk in here and take you for his own, he has another thing coming.

You walk back to the lion body, resting your weight on your paw. It’s still strange to you, this connection between spirit and body. This metal body isn’t yours, and yet it is. Your soul is attached at a level you don’t understand, but you know none but the other lions can see your old body, this invisible casing you still feel comfortable with. You can make yourself disappear into the metal, become the machine, your quintessence connecting and making everything work.

You miss talking to people.

The last red paladin, your sweet, wonderful little Altean, couldn’t see you either, at least not at first. They could hear you sometimes, in and out of battle, when you felt like communicating with them. You had kept most of your thoughts private from them, not quite trusting, but Blue had pushed. She talked with her paladin, why didn’t you talk to yours?

So you did, and they seemed surprised, but took it in stride, as they did with most things, and countered your sarcasm with some of their own.

It wasn’t purposeful the first time they saw you, your real body. They’d made a joke that you laughed too hard at, and it was like the laughter triggered your appearance.

They’d stared, eyes wide, and you wondered for a second why exactly they were staring right at you, until they put a hand on your shoulder and it didn’t pass through.

You could always touch them, but every time they moved their hand accidentally into your body, it went right through.

There was always a certain translucence to yours and the other lions’ bodies when you bonded with the metal. It wasn’t there then. You were whole again.

Only for a second. As you let out a surprised noise, everything went back to normal and their hand dropped down through you, yet again.

“Red?” They sounded tentative, scared.

“ _Yes_ ,” you answered back, voice echoing in their head, dumbfounded. “ _That’s… that’s never happened before_.”

Of course they ran to tell Alfor after making sure everything was alright with you, that there were no malfunctions in your lion. And you’d run to Blue, elated, yet terrified. What if you never got to be whole again? What if your paladin was terrified of the fact that you were an entirely separate being from the lion body. What if-

Blue was sweet, Blue was kind, Blue listened and pet your hair back with gentle shushes while she gave her best advice, to talk with your paladin, focus in, go deeper than before, find that spark between the two of you again and make it real.

She was right, as always.

It was soul searching on both parts. You and your paladin were stubborn, even towards each other, and letting them in was harder than it should have been, but eventually, you broke, and they broke, and it felt like their soul was yours, and you assume vice versa, and you opened your eyes and felt _complete_.

They stared with open awe and you stared back.

You’re able to show yourself to all of the paladins, to the royal family, and the advisors trained to take care of you. Alfor found it fascinating, his daughter just wanted to play with your ears when she was younger.

They’re all dead now, you remind yourself.

You miss Blue.

The little Galran soldier is talking now, trying is best to prove himself to you, and you couldn’t care less what he’s saying.

“Ugh,” you groan as you get back up to circle him. “Did you know that every time you try to sway me, you get farther and farther away?”

He can’t hear you, of course, but it doesn’t matter.

“You really are their last resort, aren’t you? They’ve got no one left, and after you, it’ll be over.”

Finally. As bored as you are, the peace and quiet would be nice.

“I don’t care what you have to say,” you tell him as he speaks to the metal. “You mean absolutely nothing to me. The only reason I’d ever remember you is to remember how weak your soul is. You don’t care about any cause. Not Zarkon’s, not the resistance. You just want to be where you’ll be taken care of.”

You grab at his armor and pull yourself up close to his face and scream in it until the tired cold washes back over you and you step back.

He’s done trying to sway you, silent, turning to leave, and you let him.

You suck in a low lungful of air and rest back against the paw.

The universe is done with you, it seems. There’s nothing left to gain here.

They’ll send you children if they have to, you know it. Malleable minds that morph into what they please. You despise their tactics. Children aren’t meant to be paladins. It changes them. Their bond with their lion becomes near inseparable, bordering on dependent, and you don’t want to hurt the one you’re bonded to.

Feeling your last one break your connection so you wouldn’t have to feel them die was bad enough.

You let your eyes slip closed and think of Blue, of all of them, of your paladin, and let yourself rest.

\---

There’s a familiar presence in the back of your mind today that you can’t quite place. It feels sharp, like trees, like home.

It motivates you to do more than lie around inside the cockpit.

It nags at you until you can’t ignore it anymore and sit to focus your energy on the buzzing in the back of your brain.

Green floods your senses, and you can’t help the gasp that falls out of your mouth. They don’t feel trapped, they feel free, they feel _alive_.

They’re not close enough to speak with, not yet, but you can feel the second presence underneath theirs. A paladin. Their paladin.

They feel young. Too young.

Another mind is pushing at yours. They feel Galra, but not fully. They feel too young, too. You don’t want them, they’re just a child, but they shove into your mind anyway, finding a path to where you lie.

The aggression startles you. No one’s been able to do that in ages, let alone anyone near this young. It feels fresh and good. You don’t want to accept them just yet. They have to prove themself to you after all.

When they get closer, _he_ gets closer, you get skeptical. He feels nervous, yes, but overall sure of himself. The certainty puts you off.

“Bingo,” he says as he finally runs up to you. He’s wearing your armor, and there’s a flash of anger in you that he dares wear the paladin armor before even meeting you. It only grows as he continues talking.

“Let’s get outa’ here. Open up,” He places a hand to your barrier. You sneer. He expects this to be easy. You aren’t Blue or Yellow, or even Green. You’re Red, and you don’t comply so simply.

“It’s me, Keith, your buddy.” He uncertain of himself now, and you stare at him blankly.

Uncertainty morphs into annoyance very quickly, and you try not to see the similarities with yourself.

“It’s _me. Keith,_ your- I _am_ your Paladin.” He knocks on the barrier again only to be immediately shot at after. Your attention snaps to the sentries you hadn’t noticed before.

“I’M BONDING WITH YOU,” he shouts as he shields himself from the shots.

“Hey! Come on, we’re connected!” You stare as he pulls out the bayard, _his_ bayard, and something inside of your chest stings.

Your old paladin used a sword too.

“ _Red,_ ” the voice you though you would never hear again floats into your head. “ _You know he’s right._ ”

You don’t want to listen to Blue, not for this, but you know she’s right.

“You’re not gettin’ this lion,” he says as he attacks the sentries. They shoot him back almost immediately, and he slams into the ground, hard.

You feel it in yourself, and you don’t want to accept this child into your brain, this small, angry little half Galra who doesn’t even know what he is. And then he opens the air lock to suck out the sentries, to save you, and you know where you stand.

It takes too long to get your dormant body up again, and you watch as he’s hit by debris into open space. You can hear his terrified breathing, feel the panic in his chest, and will yourself to _move_.

He tumbles into your cockpit with little grace, and when he’s finally seated, he smirks, calls you “Good Kitty,” and absolutely guns your controls.

It feels nice, having someone with you again.

\---

When the day is done, you couldn’t care less about the new paladins, you just want to see your family.

Blue meets you in the middle, and you slam into her with open arms. You are maybe probably definitely crying as she scoops you into a hug. She’s here she’s here she’s _here._ You pull her down to kiss before the other three can weasel their way into your hug. She tastes like saltwater and desert breeze and you smile against her mouth.

Green sneaks their way into the hug, grabbing at the both of you, and you grab Yellow into the mix. He yelps and laughs.

“He this decapheeb?” Blue asks.

“He,” Yellow repeats.

Black walks over to you, watery smile on her face, and you think she’s sorry for accepting her last paladin as long as she did. You beckon her in, and she wraps the four of you in her arms.

“It is so good to be home,” She says, and she is so right.

Even when the rest of them move away, you don’t let go of Blue, touching her arm or her hands or her face. She doesn’t let go of you either, her presence like a warm blanket over your mind.

“You got captured,” she murmurs, when everyone else is resting. “How long ago?”

“I don’t know,” you answer. Long. It’s been a long time since you were on your hidden planet. “They kept trying to get me to accept their soldiers as my paladin. As if I’d stoop so low.”

She hums into your hair, resting her head on top of yours.

“My paladin’s half Galra,” you say.

“Is he?” She sounds surprised. “I thought you said you could never trust another one.”

“He doesn’t know it yet,” you twine your fingers together. “He’s never been off of your planet, Earth.”

“I didn’t notice when he was searching for me.”

“He was searching for you?”

“Mmm,” she says, and you know her eyes are closed. “He spent nearly a pheeb trying. He got very close somedays, right above me. He wasn’t right, though. He felt too much like you.”

You wonder stupidly if she’s right, even though she always is. She was right about Zarkon, and she’s always been right about you.

“He’s lonely,” she says. “All of them feel somewhat alone, but yours has been alone so long. I could feel it when he was in my caves. That empty feeling you get sometimes, when you’re away too long? It’s the same as that.”

“Tell me about yours.” You want to learn about your paladin yourself. “What’s he like?”

“Exciting,” she says. “He’s so full of energy, so desperate to please. He’s lonely too, but in a different way. He wants to live up to not only other’s expectations, but his own impossibly high ones.”

“Just like you,” you tease.

“Yeah,” she says fondly. “He accepted the bond so easily. The minute he touched the barrier, we both knew. I think he’ll grow very strong from this.”

“Or very sick,” you counteract.

“How do you mean?”

“They’re _children_ , Blue. We have children for paladins. You know how bonds get with too young minds. Even Black’s is young. None of them have had the proper training for this, Green’s is even younger. I just…”

“Worry, I know. They’re the only options right now. And they’ll be fine. They’re strong kids. You just need to bond with yours. Let him in. I know you hate doing that, but maybe you can get where you were with the last—”

“No,” you say bitterly. “Not again.”

“Red—”

“You weren’t there when they- when they cut our connection. I could feel them dying. They were so scared and in pain and they cut off the only comfort they had just so I wouldn’t have to feel them go. Zarkon deserves the most painful death imaginable for what he did to them. It lasted days, Blue. They were dying the whole time, I could feel it, even after they cut our bond.”

You stare darkly at the floor and she rubs comforting circles into your wrists.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine.” You press your lips to Blue’s fingers. “Tell me more about your paladin?”

She does, telling you the brief glimpses into his mind she’s gotten. The family, the enthusiasm, the overwhelming dread at staying in space and dying there. That he’s jealous of Keith, your paladin, and all he’s accomplished only to throw it all away.

You fall asleep wrapped in her arms.

\---

Bonding with Keith, you discover, is incredibly difficult. He’s loathe to let anyone into his brain, clearing his mind completely before entering the metal lion. Not like you don’t follow him around the castle ship anyway. He’s fun to drape yourself over when you’re bored. He can’t see you, so why should it matter?

Blue is practically attached at the hip with hers, _Lance_ she called him. She keeps telling you to talk to him, your Keith, but it’s so difficult to get yourself into his head long enough to say anything substantial.

You get your chance when he practically drags himself to you after training, not group, of his own violation. He’s too tired to shut you out this time, and you maybe get a little too eager.

He groans and clutches at his head when you near shout your hello, and you tone yourself down.

“ _Hello, paladin._ ” It’s easy to start formal.

“Red?” He asks, looking up at your lion like he’ll be able to see you. You slink up behind him.

“ _I see you’re finally letting me into your head_.”

“I didn’t think you could talk.”

“ _I can do many things_ ,” you state ominously.

“Um… good for you?”

He sounds so off put that you can’t help but laugh. He frowns.

“Are you _laughing_ at me?”

“ _No,_ ” you snicker. “ _I would never._ ”

“Oh god you use sarcasm. I hate sarcasm.”

He sounds genuinely distressed, and you stop your laughing. “ _What seems to be the problem?_ ”

Keith’s quiet for a moment too long, and you slip your way into his brain. There’s so much misunderstanding piled up in there, surrounded by confusion and hurt and he doesn’t quite understand when people are joking or when they’re serious. You reach out to touch a memory, but before you can, he’s clearing his head again.

You pull back to look at him, and he looks hurt and angry. Even if he can’t feel it, you caress a hand on his cheek.

“Don’t,” he says roughly. “Don’t do that.”

“ _If you want, I can try to be clearer in what I mean. Or, I can teach you when people are being sarcastic and when they’re being serious._ ”

“People have already tried that. It never works.”

“ _Correction_ ,” you say. “ _People say they have tried. It’s a fine line, but it makes a difference. And I think you could use the help. Especially with the blue paladin._ ”

He groans, sitting back against your paw. “He’s so loud, and it’s like every time he speaks he’s trying to pick a fight with me.”

“ _Yes, well, Blue was like that a long time ago, too._ ”

“Really?” He sounds so surprised, and you sit down next to him.

“ _Well of course. Why do you think she picked him_?”

“I don’t really know. You all seem so… regal I guess. I just assumed, because, well, I think Allura was going to say something about how she’s the easiest to impress? I just thought that it was because he was the easiest to go for?”

You bristle. “ _You think she’s **easy**?_ ”

He shifts and looks back up at the head of the lion. “…No? Just the easiest to impress?”

While it’s true that you all have different standards for pilots, Blue is by no means _easy_. You’re pretty sure he can feel your anger, because his mind seems to take a step back.

“Did I say something wrong?”

You sigh. “ _Blue is not **easy** , little boy. Why do you think she didn’t accept you? Her standards for paladin may be different from mine, but her and her paladin have skills and ideas that we don’t understand because we are not them, and the same is true for them, because they are not us._”

“…Oh.” He curls his knees up and rests his head on them. “You two seem close.”

“ _Yes, well, even if we’ve been apart for ten thousand years, I still love her. Being spread so far away for so long was incredibly difficult._ ”

He seems lost in thought and you try to slip your way in, but it’s as if a door shuts in your face.

“Sorry Red,” he smiles softly. “I think I’m gonna get some sleep.”

You send him the quiet thought of _rest_ and follow him for a little to make sure he’s actually going to his room. You know how much he trains, and you know what the healthy amount is. You’re no stranger to restlessness, but he takes it to a worrying level.

When you’re certain he’s gone into his room for the night, you follow your pull to Blue into the next room over.

She’s curled around her paladin, whispering quiet words in his ear as he sits huddled up, knees drawn, eyes damp.

“Is he alright?”

Blue looks up at you. “Homesick. Really, really homesick.”

You sit next to her and rest you head on her shoulder. “See if he wants to talk about his family. Hurts more but it gets the pain out faster.”

You’re quiet for the rest of the time you’re there, listening to Blue’s paladin, this little Lance that Keith has such a hard time with, cry while talking about how much he loves his older sister’s laugh and his younger brother’s art and his mother’s hugs and his grandma’s reassurance.

Blue twines her fingers with yours when he’s finally asleep, pulling the two of your out of his room and back down the hallway.

\---

The princess is hosting a party for these tiny Arusians that live on the planet you’re all resting on. Keith isn’t quite sure about how safe all of this is, and you yourself are a little wary.

He’s in a little triangle circle with Lance and the yellow paladin, Hunk. You’re not really all that invested on what they’re saying, focusing on Blue. She’s talking with Green about their paladins, and you aren’t listening to them either. Maybe no one can see the five of you, but old habits die hard, and all of you look the part for this party. Blue looks gorgeous, as always, but tonight she looks particularly beautiful.

“Still mooning?”

Yellow startles you upright, and you shoot him a glare.

“I’m not _mooning_ , just appreciating.”

“Pretty sure they’re the same thing.”

You huff and he laughs, leaning on the same pillar that you are. “She’s just so—,” you don’t have the words.

“You haven’t lost any love after all these years, have you?” He sounds like he knows the answer, but you’ll oblige him.

“No, it was mostly worry, though. Especially when I couldn’t feel her anymore.” You smile. “But now we’re all back together again, so it’s fine.”

“How are you and your paladin?”

You shrug. “He’s more difficult than I anticipated. He’s really good at clearing his mind so I can’t see anything. I’d _like_ to get to know him better, but he doesn’t really seem up for it. Yours?”

“Hunk’s pretty nervous about being out here. He’s gotten better about not throwing up every time we turn, though.”

You make a face and Yellow laughs again. “It’s not too bad. He always cleans up if he does, so it’s not like we’re sitting in a perpetual land of sick. I think he’s excited about all this new technology. He’s trying to figure out how the lion works, what makes it run. He misses home a bit. Not like Blue’s, but he does.”

You’re about to respond when you see Blue turning around very quickly. Her paladin is leaving, and he doesn’t look like he’s the happiest. She makes eye contact with you, shrugs, and hurries after him.

Green looks confused as they walk over to you. “I don’t know what that was about. He was looking so happy just a minute ago.”

“Well, they are young. Mood swings?”

They nod, and their face screws up. You follow their line of sight to their paladin, Pidge. They’re talking with the princess, and she does not seem happy.

“What?” Green speaks so quietly you almost miss it.

“What is it?”

“They’re… they’re leaving. I couldn’t feel that. They didn’t tell me that.”

Yellow grabs their arm and they yank it away, stalking after their paladin as they walk outside.

“That’s not good…”

The both of your paladins are going over to check out what Pidge is saying to Shiro, and you follow.

“I’m leaving,” they say, and you can feel Keith’s confusion and anger in yourself.

“Pidge, no,” Shiro says, and you want to agree with him, but they are just a child. They deserve the option.

“The download from the Galra ship is enough to at least get me in the right direction to start my search. I have a pod all ready to go.”

“You can’t leave,” Keith says.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” they say back, indignantly.

“If you leave, we can’t form Voltron. And that means we can’t defend the universe against Zarkon. You’re not the only one with a family. All these Arusians have families. Everyone in the universe has families.” You have an idea his anger isn’t just about everyone having families, but him not having one himself.

“Yeah, I have a family,” Hunk says, and you can feel Yellow’s hurt beside you. “They live on Earth, I wanna be with them, is that- is that like a thing that can happen?”

“You want to leave too?” Allura sounds so put out by all of this information.

“Of course I do! Look, Voltron is super cool, don’t get me wrong, but I never signed up for a lifetime in space fighting aliens.” Keith is getting very, very upset beside you, and you wish you could just let yourself in to calm him down, but he has his mind locked.

He explodes. “You’re putting the lives of two people over the lives of everyone else in the entire galaxy!”

Shiro cuts him off with a hand and a sharp,” Keith.” “That’s not how a team works,” he continues. “People have to want to be a part of it, they can’t be forced.”

Keith’s mind has just enough wiggle room for you to put yourself in, and you ignore the rest of what the black paladin says. “ _Keith. It’s okay to let people go.”_

He’s resolutely silent next to you, and you sigh, wrapping an arm around Green as their paladin walks away.

“That’s the fastest I’ve ever lost a paladin,” they say, a little in shock.

You don’t say anything, and neither does Yellow as he wraps an arm around their other side.

Keith is still fuming, but he crosses his arms to deal with it, doesn’t say anything.

And then you feel it. The explosion coupled with Blue’s distress has you sprinting down the halls, Yellow calling out after you.

You find her kneeling over her paladin, shouting at him to wake up.

“Blue,” you say, breathless. “What happened?”

“He’s an idiot,” she says, voice thick. “A bomb went off and he went out of his way to make sure he got hit and not the royal advisor. He’s a self-sacrificing _idiot_.”

“He’ll be fine. They just need to get him in a healing pod and—”

“The crystal’s broken, Red. There’s no power, which means no healing pods, which means he could die. He’s not going to be fine. He’s- he’s—”

You make quiet shushing noises as you pull her away from him when Shiro picks him up. You’re nervous though. Things don’t look good for him, you can see that. Blue can _feel_ it, which you know to be ten times worse.

Everyone’s making plans, even your paladin, but you can’t leave Blue, not now. It’s not like they can pilot the lions right now, either. Everything’s locked up.

So when everyone starts to leave, even Keith, you stay with Blue, close to her paladin, keeping watch over him, even if the two of you can’t physically do anything.

You’re pretty sure Blue’s feeding him energy to keep him alive as long as she can, and you hold her hand, rubbing small circles in it.

“He’ll be fine, you know it. He’s tough. He can make it.”

He’s limp as Shiro carries him through the halls to the front of the castle. He keeps talking to him, trying to keep his own morale up while trying to get Lance awake. Black trails right next to them, whispering encouraging things in Shio’s ear. The two of you are back a bit, and you do the same thing that Black’s doing with Blue.

That is, of course, until you see the figure in the doorway.

“Sendak,” Shiro says darkly. He sets Lance down gently and gets up to face him.

You and Blue stay next to Lance as Blue continues to try and mix their quintessence together to keep him alive.

The fight that ensues is impressive, even when Shiro’s thrown halfway across the hall, all the way back to where all of you are. He’s very close to winning, until the slimmer Galra scum drops Lance on the ground.

Blue makes a pained noise, and you hold her impossibly tight.

The rest of the night is a blur of fear and anger as Sendak readies the castle ship for launch, with all of you still inside. You’re aware of the green paladin re-proving their worth as they save all of you from capture.

Keith gets back inside the ship after a while, running in to help fight, and you feel Blue’s joy when Lance wakes up to shoot at Sendak, half passing out immediately after.

When Sendak is contained, Keith comes over to Lance, kneels down and offers him a hand. Lance just holds it there, tells him that they really are a good team, and smiles. Keith smiles back, and you can feel his relief.

Blue only calms down when Lance is placed in a pod, and Allura is certain that he’ll be fine after a day.

When he does wake up, however, he’s very adamant that none of the wonderful bonding him and your paladin had ever happened.

“Nope, don’t remember, didn’t happen.”

You shoot Blue a look. “What’s he talking about? Does he really not remember?”

“No, he remembers. He’s just… denying it for some reason.”

“Well tell him to quit it! Keith is actually trying here, and Lance is just ignoring any chance the befriend him.”

“Look, he just got out of the pod, I don’t want to push him too hard.”

You look at Keith. He looks fine, but you know the feeling of rejection.

“Well, he needs to acknowledge it, because it’s hurting my paladin.”

“Later, Red, I promise. Right now, we have things to do. I’ll make him talk about it, because it’s confusing me too.”

You can accept that compromise. As you’re all getting ready to go help the Balmera Coran and Hunk found, you try to talk to Keith.

“ _He remembers it, Blue said so. She’ll figure out what his problem is._ ”

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t have to force himself to be nice to someone he doesn’t like.”

You try to say more, but he shuts you out of his head hole, ready to fight.

Sighing, you allow yourself to be shut out, and prepare for battle.

\---

“Does your paladin ever sleep?”

You turn to face Black, who’s accompanied by Green tonight. “What?”

“This is the third time this week that Shiro’s found him training himself into exhaustion in the middle of the night. He’s in there right now trying to get him to actually rest.”

“Pidge found him passed out on the training deck floor this morning. It’s becoming a problem, Red.”

A twinge of guilt passes through you. You’ve been trying to give him more space, because every time you push into his head, it’s like you take two steps back in your relationship.

“He’s… what?” You’re not even sure what you’re meant to do here. You’ve never had a paladin this hell-bent on running himself into exhaustion.

Black’s expression softens. “Just try. Right now’s the best time. He’s vulnerable enough for you to make a difference.”

Her wording puts you off. “I don’t want to take advantage of him, Black. I’m not shoving my way into his memories when he’s too tired to stop me to try and find something that helps.”

“That’s not what she meant and you know it. You’re just scared of getting too close again.”

Both you and Black stare at Green, wide eyed. “Green,” she says, “Maybe it would be best—”

“No, it wouldn’t be best if I shut up, Black.” They face you, setting their shoulders. “Your paladin is in there hurting himself and you’re too caught up in your own self-pity to do anything about it.”

Anger flares in your chest. “I am not caught up in _self-pity_. My old paladin died in the—”

“All of our old paladins are dead, Red! You’re not the only one who’s upset about it. It hurt, a _lot_. But that doesn’t mean you can shove your current paladin on the back burner just because you’re afraid of getting too close again. I know how deep your bond was. But you have to live in the now. And right now, he needs you.”

You want to be upset, you want to yell, but you feel Blue’s hand on your shoulder, and it all bleeds out of you.

“They’re right,” she says, squeezing your shoulder. “You need to go in there and help him.”

“I don’t- I don’t know how.”

“Yes you do,” Black says. “You just don’t want to.”

You shake your head a couple times, and shake them all away from you. Blue doesn’t follow, which you’re grateful for, and you go into the training room.

True to Black’s word, Shiro’s got him cornered, and he’s holding Keith’s bayard in his hand. He looks exasperated.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Keith. You have to sleep.”

“Why are you awake?”

“This isn’t about me. I’m trying to come to you as a friend, but if I need to come to you as your superior—”

“Cut the ‘I’m and adult and you have to do what I say’ bullshit. That didn’t work on me at the Garrison and it won’t work on me now. You’re barely older than all of us anyway.”

“But I _am_ older than you. That isn’t the point. You need to rest, Keith. I’m at the end of my rope here. I’m just trying to help you.”

“Oh that’s rich, coming from—”

“ _Keith_ ,” you wrap your arms around his waist. “ _Stop arguing with him. He really is only trying to help._ ”

Shiro’s looking at him, confused. Keith holds up a finger. “Hold on.”

“Hold _on_?”

“No,” Keith groans. “Red’s—” he makes a garbled noise and waggly motion with his hands. “What,” he asks, aimed at you.

“ _You don’t want to argue with him. I know you just want to talk with him, about when he left._ ”

His eyes go foggy before he sets his jaw and lowers his brow. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he thinks at you pointedly.

“ _You are tired and you are hurting. If you won’t accept me, at least talk with your friend._ ”

“What do you mean if I won’t accept you?” He says this out loud, and Shiro’s concern deepens.

“ _I understand the fear of getting close to someone, even if that someone is a thousands of years old sentient machine you bonded with after nearly dying. But you cannot keep doing this to yourself. It’s unhealthy and it’s dangerous. Right now, it would be in your best interests to get in a healing pod. You have extensive bruising and a very mild concussion. You are pushing yourself too hard and too far. Either talk with me or talk with one of your friends, your family. I have ways of helping you that neither of us would enjoy. One entails directly involving the princess and her advisor, and another involves shoving myself in your brain enough to take control of your memories and emotions. I don’t want to do either._ ”

He’s quiet for a tick, and you can feel the fear in his throat. Shiro looks like he wants to say something, it’s a wonder he doesn’t.

“Shiro…” he says after a minute of uncomfortable silence. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? Please? I… I think I need to get some rest and talk with Red.”

The vulnerability in his voice startles both you and Shiro, and you wonder briefly if you pushed him too hard.

“Of course,” The black paladin says, clapping Keith on the shoulder gently. “Get some sleep. I look forward to our talk tomorrow.”

He leaves the room, leaving you and Keith.

“Do I need to go to your hangar for this or can I go to my room?”

“ _Your room is fine. I’d actually prefer it with how tired you are._ ”

He scoffs and the two of you walk to his room. He sits on his bed, pulling off his boots.

“What am I supposed to do here?” He asks you.

“ _We are meant to bond. Tell me about yourself, about your childhood, about why you can’t seem to ever sleep._ ”

He looks very uncomfortable, and you refrain from touching into his mind too deeply. You want him to trust you, you want to trust him.

“I don’t… I don’t like completely breaking myself down to new people.”

“ _Neither do I. It’s a wonder this paladin bond ever works out._ ”

He lets out a soft laugh. “The sleeping’s the easiest, I guess.”

You are silent, waiting.

“It’s hard to sleep here. Everything’s quiet, there’s no noise. In the desert, there was always noise. Wind or some kind of animal, I don’t know, just something.”

He taps his fingers together anxiously. You can tell he’s not used to talking about himself, not even fully used to talking again, after being alone for so long.

“And out here, there’s nothing. There’s no animals in space, there’s no wind. Even the mechanics of the ship are too quiet. I can’t hear any humming machinery or anything like that. The closest I get is when I hear Shiro walking down the hallway to check on everyone, and that’s at like three in the morning, so what’s the use of sleeping after that?”

“ _You wouldn’t be as drained throughout the day. It would be easier to focus. Any sleep is good sleep._ ”

“Yeah, well, training until I’m too tired to do anything else does the same thing.”

“ _Training until you’ve hurt yourself too much to continue is not the same as resting. You know that as well as I do._ ”

Keith snorts. “Yeah, well, I haven’t figured out any other way. And it’s better to always be alert with all this Galra stuff.”

He says the word Galra so bitterly it surprises you. “ _What do you mean_?”

“Well, you know. They could attack at any moment. If I’m just awake all the time, I don’t have to worry about waking up and getting ready. And if I train while I’m awake, I’ll be better prepared.”

“ _Sure, that makes sense in theory, but in practice, it’s a terrible idea. You’re tired, everyone knows it. If the Galra were to attack right now, you wouldn’t be a help to your team. You’re exhausted and uncoordinated. You need to rest._ ”

Blue comes into the room, concerned. You cut your thoughts from Keith for a moment.

“Are you getting anywhere with him?”

“He keeps saying that he needs to be alert at all times, and that he can’t sleep because it’s too quiet. I can tell he wants to, but he won’t even admit that to himself.”

“He’s very stubborn.”

“Yes,” you sigh. “He is.”

“Well,” he says, crossing his arms and legs. “You asked and I answered.”

“ _Why don’t you want to get close to anyone on this ship? It seems like you’re even distancing yourself from Shiro, and you knew him before all of this._ ”

“Very blunt,” Blue says.

“He doesn’t get subtlety.”

“I- that’s not what I’m doing.” He’s trying to build his walls up against you, but he’s too tired for it to be effective. He ends up slumping into himself, tired eyes looking at nothing on the floor.

“ _Yes it is. You’re scared to get close, and when you realize you’ve already started bonding with them all, you lash out to try and reverse it. Why?_ ”

“Everyone always leaves.”

That is not what you were expecting. Even Blue looks confused beside you. “ _What?_ ”

“No one ever actually stays. No one ever wants to. So why should I try if they’re all going to end up disappearing anyway?”

“ _You’ve lost me. What do you mean everyone leaves?”_

“I don’t…” He’s gone back to being hesitant, and your heart aches.

“ _Would you allow me to look in your memories? It might be easier than speaking. I promise not to look at anything you don’t want me to._ ”

His breath stutters and Blue takes your hand. “Alright,” he says quietly after a moment of deliberation.

You close your eyes and allow your mind to mingle with his. It’s easy enough to sort the memories into this aching lonely feeling he has right now, the sour taste of abandonment filtering into you. You start from the beginning.

You are much smaller, sitting on a man’s lap as he sings to you. The word _dad_ comes to mind, and you realize this must be a memory from his very early childhood. You feel tired, like you’re falling asleep, and the man, dad, rocks you while he sings in a gentle, deep voice. You feel comfortable, content, happy and relaxed. He kisses you on the forehead, looks at you with a gentle smile, and you fall asleep happy.

In the next memory, you’re older, just a little, the age six you think, and you’re sitting on a bench near an office. School. An hour has passed and no one is here to get you. Your dad is late to pick you up sometimes, but never this late. And if he is late, he makes it up to you, makes sure you know that he never forgot about you, that traffic was terrible, or work ran late, and he makes you mac and cheese with extra cheese and you feel good.

But right now you don’t feel good, because the secretary keeps trying different numbers, and nothing is working. You sit there, swinging your legs, reading your book, and you’re a little bit scared. Your dad is never this late. Did he forget about you? He said he’d never forget about you.

The secretary slams the phone down, clearly agitated, and you jump.

“Sweetie,” she says, eyes kind, voice tired. “Do you know if you have any family here that isn’t your dad?”

“Um,” you’re nervous. “Dad said not to go to grandma unless it was an emergency because they don’t talk to each other. Is it an emergency?”

“Yes, honey. We can’t get ahold of your dad, and no one’s seen him today. Do you know her number?”

You recite the number you’ve had drilled into your head for emergencies like this, and wait to be picked up by her.

The next slew of memories all blurs together, an older woman that grumbles about your mom getting him into trouble, about how much of a trouble you are, how your dad never taught you any proper manners.

You, of course, stand up for your dad, tell her not to talk about him like that because he’s wonderful and you love him.

There’s a shiver in the memory as Keith, the present Keith, tries to blur some of it out, but you push, just a little, and he gives. You slip back into the memory.

You get into fights a lot, living with your grandma, and she tells you that nice little girls don’t act like that, that little girls are sweet and quiet and look nice and pretty.

Little girls?

Keith’s memory seems to flinch and he shoves you into the next one.

Different houses, all of them blurring together into one bad experience. No one ever wants to keep you, and you move from house to house, hope for staying disappearing with each move. It’s always your fault, even if it isn’t. Even if you didn’t start the fight, you’re blamed for it, because you can punch better than them, and you can do more damage than them, even if you’re just some little _girl_.

The next memory, you’re older. You’ve locked yourself in the bathroom with a pair of scissors, hacking away at your hair until it’s comfortably short. You don’t care how choppy it is, you just want it off. When they realize what you’ve done, the mom sits you down to clean up the rougher edges.

You tell this current family that your name is Keith, you demand to be called Keith, and they laugh in your face until they realize it’s not a joke.

Your ribs are bruised and you can’t see straight for days after, even when you move to a different house, different state, the dizziness accompanies you.

Now you are older, enrolled in the pseudo military school at fourteen because you cause too many problems in every house you’re placed. Here, you talk back to your teachers, demand your name be what you want it to be, and get yelled at nearly every day for causing a disruption in your classroom.

They assign you a mentor, and you vow not to get close to him, because he’ll only use you for his own gain.

He’s patient, and calls you Keith, and smiles even when you end up in the office. He helps you narrow down your talent into something you can use, helps you change your name in the system, helps you grow.

You get attached.

How could you not? He’s the only friend you’ve ever had.

Shiro, you think, is the first person to actually care about you since your dad.

So of course, after two and a half years of growing, he accepts the Kerberos mission.

He promises you he’ll be back. Promises to bring you cool space rocks from Kerberos. “I’ll be back before you know it, Keith. Just remember what I taught you. Patience yields focus. Just focus on yourself if you need to. You’ll be fine.”

And you are fine, for the next couple of months, until news comes back. They don’t even tell you to your face, you hear it from whispers in your English class.

He’s dead.

He’s dead he’s dead.

You stop caring, because yet again, the person who cares about you is gone. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. He’s dead, lost in space forever.

You get in fights more, to feel something other than the ache of grief. You accept your bruises and split knuckles and bloody lips gladly.

The Garrison threatens to kick you out for your insolence, so you do the only reasonable thing. You drop out, leave everything behind.

There’s no way in hell you’re going back to the fucking state. You’re almost seventeen, there’s nothing they can do for you.

So you inhabit the quiet, lonely shack in the middle of the desert, and let the emptiness take you.

You rip yourself back from Keith’s head, gasping in air, and he’s curled around himself, clutching at his head.

Blue takes your face in her hands and you realize you’re crying. She stares at you worriedly, and you pull yourself away to wrap around Keith.

“It’s fine,” he mumbles. “It’s fine it’s fine.”

“ _It is **not** fine._ ”

“Red,” Blue touches your shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I am, he’s not.”

“Red, it’s okay,” Keith tries. You can feel regret and embarrassment and the ever-present fear of rejection he tries to hide. “It’s over now, it’s okay.”

“ _But it’s not. You’re still afraid everyone will leave again, a-and—_ ”

Your voice wavers and you shut up. Keith’s guilt rises to the surface and he presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“You’re upset, I’m so _stupid,_ you’re upset and it’s my fault. Can magic sentient lions even get upset? You sound upset, I-I don’t know what to do here, I’m sorry, Red. I didn’t mean to—”

He cuts himself off with a pained noise. You’re trying so hard to get yourself back under control so you can tell him that it’s not his fault, it’s never been his fault, but you’re so _mad_ and you can still feel all of his pain and loneliness and you want to rip something apart for him.

Blue is trying to do damage control with you, but you were always an angry crier and you’re so upset that nothing’s she’s doing is working, and it doesn’t help that Keith keeps shoving his hands into his eyes even harder because he thinks he’s done something wrong.

And then Blue gets up and _leaves_ , and you’re even more confused and upset, and it must rub off on Keith, because he makes this strangled hiccupping noise that you are absolutely certain is him trying not to cry.

You let yourself back into his mind, probably before you should, and try to stop the swell of emotions between the two of you.

“ _No no no Keith please you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise, please, I’m not upset with you. You’ve just felt much more hurt than you ever should have. You never should have had to go through any of that. And with… with Shiro being here and the two of you being thrust into these positions of defending the universe so **young**_ —”

Blue choses this moment to walk back into the room, followed closely by Black and her paladin.

Shiro frets when he sees the mess that is your paladin. He sits down next to him, wraps an arm around his shoulder, and Keith outright _sobs_.

You sit back, block your thoughts from Keith, and watch.

You’ve never messed up so badly with a paladin before. Tears are still dripping down your face. Black sits next to you and rests your head on her shoulder.

“I tried…” you say weakly.

“You helped,” she says gently. “This is better than what he’s been doing. Feeling is better than what he’s been doing.”

“He thinks he’s done something wrong,” you say, still watching him stutter out sobs while trying to hold them back. “I made him show me and got upset, he thinks it’s his fault.”

“What did he show you?” Blue asks, grabbing your hand. “What was it?”

“He’s so lonely,” you say, gritting your teeth. “Everyone always leaves, or makes him leave, he just wants someone to stay.”

Blue squeezes your hand. Keith is trying to apologize to the black paladin now, and he’s having none of it. They’re so young. They’re too young.

Black, ever steady, brushes through your hair, shushing you in the calming way that only she can. Shiro has Keith’s hands gripped in his and they’re talking in hushed voices now, about the loneliness, about the fear, about both of their time in that year that Shiro was assumed dead.

“ _Keith,_ ” you say gently, not pushing, because you can’t be upset, not now. “ _I’m sorry. I was never upset with you. Never, never. If you would like, I can leave you alone for a little, just for you to collect your thoughts._ ”

“No,” he says in this small vulnerable voice. “Don’t go.”

And how could you refuse?

Shiro must think this directed at him, because he pulls him into the most bone crushing hug he can, and Keith absolutely melts into it.

You all three stay with them, humming old forgotten melodies, until the hurt goes away, and the comfort sets in.

\---

Over the next week or so, you try to be a supportive comfort in the back of his mind. He’s been sleeping a little better, and his and Shiro’s friendship seems to have picked back up, if a little strained.

You don’t want to pry any deeper than you already have, but you have so many questions.

“ _Keith?_ ”

“Hmm?” He’s sitting in the cockpit, late at night. He’s taken to coming here when he can’t sleep instead of the training room, and you can’t help feeling a little proud.

“ _Did you ever find out what happened to your dad?_ ”

He twitches his fingers together, shifting. “No. No one saw him that day, and there weren’t any notes or signs of kidnapping. It’s like he just disappeared.”

“ _What about your grandmother?_ ”

“Is it ‘Ask Keith About his Childhood’ night?”

“ _I just have questions, if that’s okay_.”

“I guess,” he sighs out, tipping his head back. “She never really liked me. Some leftover thing about my mom. She never told me what about my mom she didn’t like, just that she was horrible for my dad or something dumb like that. I never even knew her, so it’s not like I could say anything about it.”

You have a vague idea on why Keith’s grandmother wouldn’t have liked his mom, probably something to do with being a purple war alien, but you keep quiet.

“She gave me up to the state after about a year. I think her reasoning was that she was too old to take care of a child, which I guess was true, but she wasn’t _that_ old.”

“ _She said something about ‘little girls’ not getting into fights?_ ”

“…Right.” He worries his lip. “On Earth, sometimes people are born as something they’re not. In simple terms, some people are born girls, but later on in life they figure out they’re actually guys, and vice versa. Or they’re nothing at all, which I’m pretty sure that’s what Pidge is.”

“ _Oh!_ ” This is simple. You know this. “ _We have that too. All of the lions may change their presentation at will. Well, not with the physical lions, but our masculine and feminine presentations. Yellow is masculine this decapheeb, but was feminine the last. Green, currently, is ‘nothing’ like you said about Pidge. That’s fitting, for them both to be they._ ”

The small amount of tension he was holding drops, and he has a small smile on his face. “That was less work to explain than I thought it would be.”

“ _Well, we have been around for a very long time. I imagine we’ve encountered all the phenomena of your species once or twice._ ”

He grins. “Have you heard of Mothman?”

“ _Moth what?_ ”

He sends you the image of what looks like the Kufnati race, so you send him back images of them on their home planet. He slams a fist down and you jolt.

“I knew he was real!”

You laugh and he smiles bigger.

“What about Big Foot?”

You go through a lot of these so called ‘Cryptids’ before he gets tired, eyes drooping.

“ _You should go to your room and sleep._ ”

“Yeah, but this chair is nice.”

“ _I can talk to you just as well in your room_.”

“Here feels more, I don’t know. Comfortable? It’s better inside of you than inside that room. It’s too quiet there.”

You can’t refuse him that.

“Red?”

“ _Yes_?”

“The other night, I think you sang? Maybe?”

You remember you and Blue and Black, half humming half singing, trying to bring some sort of comfort to the situation. “ _Yes, I did._ ”

“Could you do it again?”

Your voice is quiet, kind of rough and shaky, but you can tell Keith appreciates it as he wraps the blanket he brought with him tighter around his shoulders. You keep humming until well after he’s fallen asleep.

When you’re certain he’s deep enough into sleep not to wake up until he’s rested, you go out to find Blue.

She’s resting in a circle with Black, Yellow, and Green. You sit down next to her, rest your head on her shoulder.

“Keith doing better?” Blue asks.

“Yeah, he’s asleep right now. What about your paladin? Has he figured out why he completely brushed Keith off?”

Blue makes a face. “He’s very adamant about not liking boys.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“He thinks your paladin is cute.”

You gape and Green laughs. “He _what?_ ”

“Well it’s not that hard to believe,” Yellow says. “If you two are anything to go off of.”

“Yes it is,” you half shriek. “He has in no way shown any sort of affection towards him, how does he think he’ll accomplish anything like this?”

“He doesn’t,” Blue says simply. “He thinks he’ll be fine just shoving his feelings down until they go away and that flirting with more girls is the answer to all of his problems.”

“Look how well that turned out last time,” you say bitterly.

“Humans are different,” Blue says. “Certain things that we wouldn’t bat an eye at, some of them think is disgusting. In some cases, people die.”

“Oh I know,” you say. “Humans are so weird about their gender presentations. Keith was worried I’d reject him for presenting male when he wasn’t born as that.”

“What?” Black asks. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Pidge thought they had to tell everyone they were a girl, even if it wasn’t completely true. There’s a weird sense of requirement with that in humans. It’s kind of disgusting, especially when people think they deserve to know and then reject them for it.” Green rests their head on Yellow.

“Well,” you say. “It’s still no basis for Lance to be mean to Keith. It’s not like he’d judge him for liking boys and girls.”

“He doesn’t know that. The only ones who know are Hunk and Pidge. I think his older sister does too, but I’m not sure.”

You huff and cross your arms. “Black,” you say, wanting to change the subject. “How’s Shiro?”

“He’s… interesting. He’s having some issues with sleeping recently, but it’s nothing he can’t handle.”

“Are you sure?” Yellow asks. “I mean, he did just get out of Galra imprisonment. I wouldn’t be surprised if he needed a little extra support at times.”

“He’ll be fine,” Black says flatly.

“Well that sounds reassuring,” you bark back.

“And what do you mean by that?” She raises one eyebrow at you.

“Well your last paladin was ‘fine’ too. And yet here we are.”

She narrows her eyes. “Do you have a problem with the way I treat my paladins?”

“He’s clearly not fine. If he’s walking the halls at three in the morning to check on everyone, there’s something wrong.”

“I see we disagree.”

“Obviously.”

The other three are staring at you like you’ve grown a second head. You check, and there’s still only one. No one ever talks to Black like that, you know it, everyone knows it. But even if she sometimes has good advice on things, you are tired of her always being in the right. She’s not, not this time. Zarkon was her paladin and she accepted him to the very end.

“Red,” Blue says. “Let’s go.”

The hallways are dimly lit, lines glowing pale blue. You cross your arms and lean up against a pillar, huffing out a frustrated breath.

“What was that?” She sounds accusatory and you don’t like it.

“She always thinks she’s so right. Look where her being ‘right’ got us. Five inexperienced pilots who shouldn’t have to be paladins and a universe that’s been almost entirely taken over by her last paladin, if you can even call him that. Her integrity is fake and the fact that we all trust her blindly doesn’t make any sense! She was wrong! And no one questions it!”

Blue stares at you with wide eyes and you avert yours, staring at the ground.

“Red…”

“Don’t ‘Red’ me, I don’t want to hear it. You don’t have to agree with me, but that’s what I think.”

You can see her come closer to you out of the corner of your eye, and you close your eyes so you don’t have to watch. A hand rests gently on your face and you turn away.

“Red,” she says softly. “Red, look at me.”

You open your eyes, but you don’t look at her.

“Reeeeeeeed,” she pushes. “Kitty Rose.”

You furrow your brow, trying to figure out where she came up with that, and you realize that’s what Pidge called you when you caught Keith outside of the Galra ship. A laugh snorts out of your mouth, and you know she’s smiling.

“What,” you finally ask, looking up at her.

“There you are,” she smiles.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, and she runs a thumb over your cheeks.

“You’re right, you know. It is weird that we’ve just blindly fallen back into our roles, isn’t it?”

“Not really. I’m sure she’s learned from having Zarkon go evil, and I’m sure she knows the signs. I’m just… frustrated.”

“You have every right to be. We all do.”

You let your head fall forward against her shoulder and breathe in deeply. Her arms wrap around your back and you exhale.

“It’s late,” tumbles out of your mouth without you telling it to say that, and you can feel her nod.

“Do you want to go back?”

“Let’s just stay here for a minute.”

Blue runs her fingers through your hair, scratches around an ear, and you practically melt.

“We’ll be alright,” she says into your hair, kissing the top of your head gently.

“Mmm,” you reply, content to believe her for now.

\---

Blue, for the first time, is wrong.

Allura gets herself kidnapped in the process of saving Shiro, and everyone explodes into action.

The idea of attacking Zarkon where he lives shakes you to your core, but your princess, no, she’s your queen now, is there, with him and the witch who betrayed all of you, and anger fuels your movements.

Keith has drive behind him as well, but it’s not for Allura. It’s for the team in general, he cares very deeply about them.

Things are going smoothly, or as smoothly as they can when you’re directly attacking Zarkon, until Black falters.

It feels like a punch in the gut as you watch her get sucked up closer to the ship, lights flashing purple. When she ejects Shiro, your blood boils.

Both you and Keith have the same train of thought; get the lion as far away as possible. Slamming her out of Zarkon’s connection shakes your frame, but she’s out, slamming into the metal of his ship.

And then there’s movement directly in front of you, challenging you, and you growl.

“Whoa,” Keith says. “Who is that?”

“ _Zarkon_ ,” you say darkly.

Coran gasps into the com link. “It’s Zarkon! Keith! Get out of there, now! Zarkon’s too powerful!”

“This is my chance to put an end to the Galra empire.” Keith sounds a little manic, and he doesn’t feel right, he’s too emotional. But you will stand by him in keeping Zarkon from Black, so you move when he prompts. “I have to take it.”

“Keith, don’t—!” You fire.

Everything’s shrouded in smoke for a moment, and both of you wonder briefly if you’ve won so easily. And then it clears and he strikes.

You flail through the air, gripping at the controls right alongside Keith.

Keep firing, you tell each other. Just keep firing.

Zarkon keeps blocking your shots with his bayard, _Black’s_ bayard. He doesn’t deserve to hold it, but it works for him as long as Black deems him worthy, and you know she still does.

He’s getting more direct with his shots, and the two of you keep barely missing getting hit. Keith is realizing his mistake in attacking, and the fear that curls around his throat grips right along yours.

“Keith, do you copy?!” Coran sounds frantic. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with. H-He’s too powerful. Listen to me. It’s imperative that you don’t engage—!” Keith mutes the com link, doing his best to shove his fear to the side, and you give him your strength.

Zarkon snatches the two of you out of the air with what seems like a whip, and you slam gracelessly into the side of the ship.

He rushes you, and everything’s glitching. Keith grunts out a “No,” and somehow activates your ion canon.

The resulting blast blows up a good chunk of his ship. “Whoa,” Keith breathes out.

And then Zarkon’s in both yours and Keith’s head. “You fight like a Galra Soldier.”

The both of you are too stunned to do anything more than watch as he changes his weapon yet again. “But not for long.”

You slam back down into the ship, motionless. Everything hurts and you can’t move your body. Keith is trying everything to get you up, shouting in panic, but you can’t do anything. You don’t want this, you don’t want another paladin to die by his hand, but there’s nothing you can do.

And then Black is there, piloted by Shiro, shooting at Zarkon and picking the two of you up.

Keith breathes out in relief, and you make it to the hangar with no more problems.

But things never end well for you, and of course you get sucked out of the castle by the wormhole.

\---

When you’re back in the castle after being rescued by Pidge and Green, once Shiro’s in the healing pod and everyone’s relaxed just a little bit, you corner Black.

“Stay the fuck away from my paladin.”

“Adopting Earth phrases, are we Red?” Her tone is cool, dismissive.

“I’m serious. You don’t get to toggle with three pilots while the rest of us have one. It shouldn’t even be a choice between two of them. I don’t know why you think Zarkon’s still a viable option, but I’m not letting you ruin Keith.”

“I do not _ruin_ my paladins, Red.”

“Zarkon turned his back on every single one of us, you included. Do you think he cares about you? Of course he doesn’t! He just wants you so that we’ll follow. I won’t put up with you stealing my paladin out from under my feet. He’s mine. I chose him. He’s proved himself plenty of times, and just because Shiro was injured doesn’t make him yours.”

“It’s not my decision. Shiro said himself that if he disappears he wants Keith to lead Voltron.”

“You know just as well as I do that it’s not up to him You make the final decision, and he was my paladin before you even thought of taking him for your own. You don’t just get to take what you want, Black. Do you know who does that? _Your_ former paladin. Does he even count as former anymore? You certainly don’t seem to think so.”

“My paladins need to sort out their tension on their own.”

“It’s not their tension, it’s yours. You’re too fucking loyal to the person who took everything from us. Everyone we knew is dead. Everyone is gone. You need to move on from him. If not for yourself than for the good of the universe. He’s killing planets. What do you think happened to Altea after the castle left? Everything is gone!”

The other three are peeking their heads in to see what all the fuss is about, but you couldn’t care less how much of an audience you have. Why can’t Black understand? She’s ruining her paladin by allowing him to share a seat next to Zarkon, the man who personally kept him imprisoned and tortured for a year.

“Choose one or the other, Black. Either lead the universe to ruin or fight against that. I can’t play these games with you anymore. You’re meant to be our leader, but you can’t even decide who your pilot is. You were never indecisive before, draw on that.”

You turn and stalk out, ignoring Blue’s call for you. You need to be angry, you deserve to be angry. She’s ruining Shiro, you won’t let her touch Keith.

You wander through the halls until you find Keith in the training room, stabbing away at training droids with the worst stance you’ve ever seen him with. You know he’s upset about Shiro.

It’s almost relaxing to watch him, stabbing and slashing and sliding all over the floor. It helps calm you down, enough to process what you yelled at Black.

You don’t regret it, that’s not it. But, not for the first time, you wish you had a little more tact. You’re bad at explaining things that people need to hear, and she definitely needed to hear that, just not from you.

You’re terrible with words.

“Red?”

Keith is sitting down now, sipping at a water, confused expression on his face.

“Are you okay?”

Oh. He must be able to feel your frustration. You hadn’t realized you had your mind open to him.

“ _I’m fine_.”

He snorts. “Liar.”

A sigh seeps into your headscape before you can stop it, and he takes another sip of his water. “ _Shiro wants you to pilot the Black lion.”_

“Is that what you’re upset about? Because I don’t want to.”

It shouldn’t be as much of a surprise as it is. Reasonably, you know he enjoys being your paladin, but hearing him say he doesn’t want to move lions is relieving.

“Really, I don’t want to. Leading everyone? I can’t do that. I’m too impulsive. That’s what everyone always said, and they were right. I thought I could take on Zarkon all by myself when he’s been ruling the universe for ten thousand years. Of course that wouldn’t work. I don’t get how Shiro thinks I could do it.”

You frown. That’s not what you wanted him to take from this. “ _It’s not that you couldn’t do it. You could. Shiro’s right about you having potential. Whether you want to is important. It’s just that Black doesn’t have the best track record with paladins. Her making Zarkon and Shiro practically share a seat right now is stressful. And her wanting to include you in that seat sharing scares me._ ”

Keith doesn’t say anything, just keeps drinking his water.

“ _Keith_.”

A groan of frustration come out of him, and he slumps down further onto the floor. “I don’t want to. I really, really don’t want to pilot Black. I can’t do it, Red. I know he said it while he was delirious, but I think he’ll try to push it later, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to lead Voltron. Saving the universe is already stressful without being the leader. I’m not even the second oldest! I know he’s known me for years, but he’s known Pidge just as long, probably longer. I don’t see him putting this on them.”

“ _In reality, all of you have the potential to pilot the Black lion. That’s how it was designed. All your traits can be shaped to fit hers, as well as everyone else’s. Lance, Hunk, and Pidge are just as viable for the position of leader as you, but if you asked, I assume their reactions would be similar to yours. Leading is scary, and leaving a lion you’ve bonded with is hard. Cutting off connections is painful for both paladin and lion. Though you wouldn’t really need to cut off our connection for this, just set it on the back burner. But I don’t want that to happen.”_

He curls his arms around his knees and draws his brows together. “Neither do I.”

“ _Then you need to talk to him. Tell him you’re not ready for that kind of pressure._ ”

“He won’t take a no easily. He always saw so much in me, and it’d be like letting him down.”

“ ** _No_.** ” He jumps at the firmness in your voice. “ _You’re a paladin of Voltron, and you’re doing your part in saving the universe. You’re not letting anyone down by refusing a role you don’t want. Being my paladin is enough if you want it to be. I want to keep you as mine, and I know you want to stay. Please don’t force yourself into a role you don’t want._ ”

He smiles gently. “Thanks, Red.”

Lance comes in a few minutes later.

“What,” Keith says, voice flat.

“Wow, jeez. I’m just here to tell you that dinner’s ready. Hunk wanted to make sure you ate because you never actually take care of yourself when you’re upset. It’s not even food goo tonight.”

“I’m not upset?” You snort into the shared headspace. “I’m really not. And I take care of myself just fine.”

Lance looks at him incredulously, eyebrow raised. “Sure buddy, that sounds real.”

“Like you even care.”

“What?” Lance sounds offended. “Of course I care! You’re my teammate. We’re meant to care about each other, if you weren’t aware. I know you’re worried about Shiro, but he’ll be fine. You, however, won’t be if Hunk catches you having not eaten. I don’t care what you think of me, just get into the dining room and eat something.”

“You obviously do care what I think of you, or you wouldn’t have created that weird fake ‘rivalry’ between us.”

“Your tact! It’s amazing, Mullet!”

“ _Sarcasm_ ,” you say quietly. He rolls his eyes at you.

“Just come down for dinner. Jesus, I don’t care anymore.” He turns around and walks out the door. Keith watches him go.

“ _Well that went well_.”

He groans, scrubbing his face with his hands. “Why am I terrible with words?”

“ _I’m bad at them too. Don’t worry._ ”

“How can I not? He hates me because I’m an asshole with no filter.”

“ _I already said he doesn’t hate you_.”

“It’s really believable, Red. I can really see the love.”

“ _He’s right about you needing to eat, no matter how much he likes you_.”

“Don’t be a mom, Red. I like it when you don’t treat me like a little kid.”

“ _To me, all of you are little._ ”

“We would be to you, as you’re thousands of years older than me.”

He’s quiet, and you have the unattainable urge to hug him.

“ _Go eat, Keith. Shiro will be fine in the morning._ ”

He nods and pushes himself up. “Talk to you later, Red.”

You stay there and let your mind clear for a little while longer.

\---

“Black thinks you might have been right about Zarkon.”

“ _Might_ have been?” You stare at Green, exasperated.

“Her and Shiro did that Astral plane thing we can do sometimes to show him her parts of her past and Zarkon showed up. He said some things about there not being any respect between paladin and lion and that the relationship is all about control.”

That makes you feel sick. There’s meant to be an understanding between paladin and lion, a feeling of trust, that your life is cared for by theirs. What he’s said is the exact opposite of that.

“Has she figured out he’s the worst piece of garbage in the universe yet?”

“I think she’s figuring it out. She’s a lot farther than she’s been, and didn’t think you’d want to see her finally realizing it.”

As much as you want to rub it in her face that you were right, you can respect her not wanting you to be there. She’s been completely irrational until now, and you’re pretty sure she knows it.

“That’s fine. As long as she’s finally realized he’s the worst thing to ever happen to us, I’m happy.”

“I think she really needed you yelling at her the other day.”

You snort. Green just like drama. You tell them as much.

“I mean, you’re not wrong, but she was getting really scary with all that paladin bouncing in the middle of battles.”

“Oh that was terrifying.”

“Maybe she’ll stop vying for your paladin, too.”

“I hope so. Keith doesn’t want the part of leader, and I don’t want him to leave.”

“I wouldn’t either. Arm is hard enough. But he seems to be doing better.”

“I don’t know. I get the feeling he’s trying to hide something from me. But I think I already know what it is.”

“What?”

“I think he’s figuring out he’s half Galra, but I don’t know how. He’s touchier about the whole ‘defeating all Galra’ thing than he has been.”

“Maybe you should tell him?”

“I want to see how he goes about figuring it out. He’s this close, and he thinks no one’s noticing anything.”

“Who knows,” Green says. “Maybe he’ll end up having some fun with it.”

\---

Keith is hurt, Keith is hurt, Keith is hurt, and you can’t get to him.

This stupid Blade of Marmora hide out is built well, and every one of your blasts only does minimal damage. At least he’s awake again. When he passed out, you knew things were wrong.

You try calling for the others for help, because Keith needs your help, and you won’t let him get hurt anymore from these useless, worthless Galra.

And then you see him limping outside, half carried by Shiro, and he gives you a shaky smile.

You stop attacking their base.

His mind is quiet on the way back, and you’re reluctant to let the two Galra spies into your cockpit, but there’s no other choice. You allow Shiro to pilot you, just this once, because Keith’s hands won’t stop shaking.

“ _What happened_?”

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even think anything. All he does is try to focus the pain away, and you know that makes it worse. His eyesight is swimming and he’s completely unsteady.

Shiro has him sitting right next to him near the control panel so he can keep an eye on him, make sure things don’t get worse.

The wound on his shoulder, now uncovered from the pressurized suit he was wearing earlier, bleeds sluggishly as they make their way back.

“You don’t have to tell them right away, Keith.” Shiro has this look on his face, and it’s a mixture of pain and acceptance.

“They’ll want to know why I’m beat to shit,” he laughs bitterly, and immediately starts coughing. His lips have blood on them when he pulls his hand away, and oh no that’s not good.

“ _What. Happened._ ”

“Surprise, Red.” His voice is devoid of any emotion. “You’ve got a Galra for a pilot.”

He coughs again and groans, clutching at his ribs. Shiro looks down at him in fear.

“You need to get in a healing pod when we’re back.”

“Why bother? Allura’s just gonna kill me anyway.”

“ _I already knew._ ”

“What the fuck do you mean you already knew?”

“ _I could tell, the moment you entered my headspace. The first, fiery little half Galra to bond with me in ten thousand years._ ”

“You didn’t think that was important?” He sounds panicked now, like now that he knows you’re going to kick him from being your paladin.

“ _You could have gone a lifetime without ever knowing. I assumed you wouldn’t want to know. I’m sorry. But you are still my paladin, if you’ll have me. Nothing here has changed_.”

He’s quiet, and you almost think he’s passed out again, until he says “Thank you, Red.”

They make it back to the castle too quickly, and you stand by him as he tells them in a pain slurred voice that he’s part Galra, that he never knew beforehand, and that he’s been suspecting for the last couple weeks.

Allura sneers at him and almost refuses him the option of a healing pod, until he coughs up an uncomfortable amount of blood and Lance hops forward to catch him before he completely collapses.

You understand why Allura feels the way she does. This is the race that killed her entire species, her entire planet. But this is also Keith, who’s never been off Earth before this, and a paladin very loyal to her. She looks almost guilty as she watches Keith right himself, and then she leaves, face twisted up.

Coran and Shiro help him into the healing pod, wiping the blood away from his face before sealing him in. You don’t leave his side for the two days he’s in there.

Shiro’s the first one there when he’s released from the pod, helping him back to his room, and he waits for him to get into something more comfortable than the skintight healing suits.

“Keith,” he starts quietly, and Keith won’t meet his eyes. You give him supportive thoughts. “Keith, this doesn’t change anything.”

“This changes everything.”

“How?”

“How? How can you ask me that? Look at your arm! I’m- I’m part of that. Part of the people who forced you to kill for a year and killed planets. Allura hates me, and I’m surprised Coran hasn’t said anything yet. The others can’t possibly want me on the team anymore. I don’t even know how you’re here!”

“Because I know you. I’ve known you since you were fourteen, Keith. I’d trust you with my life.”

Keith turns away at that. “ _Listen to him. He’s telling the truth_.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“And why not?”

“I-I could have some _thing_ in my head that I don’t even know about. Maybe I’m a spy for Zarkon. He wouldn’t be above using children. You don’t know. _I_ don’t even know, Shiro. I don’t want this.”

Shiro sits down next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Keith tries to pull away, but Shiro keeps him there.

“Keith, I want you to look at me.”

He doesn’t. Shiro sighs.

“Keith.”

“ _He’s trying to make this better for you_.”

“It’s not gonna get better, Red.”

Shiro pulls him into a hug, and Keith stiffens up. “This doesn’t change anything between us, Keith. I’ve known you for four years, and you’re my friend. You’re not going to betray the team. You heard them. It’s one of their blades which means whoever your mother was was a part of the resistance. I’m not worried about it. The others just need time, alright? I’ve talked to them. They’re surprised, but not upset.”

“Allura hates me,” Keith mumbles.

“ _She doesn’t hate you,_ ” you say. “ _She’s confused. Her planet was destroyed by Zarkon, and she’s having trouble accepting the fact that some Galra are good. Give her time._ ”

Keith ignores you, and you’re not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, he’s been given so much to process, but on the other, you’re doing your best to make things better and he’s not even acknowledging you.

“She’ll come around. She’s just having trouble understanding.”

Keith pulls back and rests his back on the wall.

“Are you okay?”

He looks a little confused by the question. “I’m fine? The healing pod does what it’s supposed to, Shiro.”

“That’s not what I meant. What you went through was… difficult to watch. I know you saw things down there. And even just coming to grips with the fact that you’re not completely human. Are you okay?”

Keith’s brain drifts, and you see Shiro, but not Shiro, telling him that he’s chosen to be alone, that he’s selfish and self centered for wanting to know his heritage. It’s sickening to watch.

“I’m fine. I know it wasn’t you.” No he doesn’t. Reasonably, he does, but he still thinks Shiro would say those things to him.

“ _Be honest with him for once. Tell him the truth. Please. Don’t hurt yourself like this._ ”

“…You wouldn’t… do that, would you?”

Shiro looks sad, and you wish you could know what he’s thinking. “Of course not. You’re like family to me. You wanting to know where you came from doesn’t warrant what you saw. None of us are leaving you, okay?”

He nods, drawing his knees up. “Okay.”

It’s uncomfortably quiet for a moment before Shiro gets up. “I’ll give you some time. Don’t forget, all of us are here for you.”

Keith doesn’t say anything, just watches him leave, and you get the feeling he’s comparing it to what he saw in the trials.

“ _Keith_.”

He gets up wordlessly and goes over to the bathroom, turning on the light and looking in the mirror. He pulls the neck of his shirt away and stares at the new scar running down his shoulder.

He pulls at his eyes, takes off his shirt and checks over his skin, prods at his teeth, everything to double check that he’s still the same.

“ _You’re still the same_.”

“It’s different, Red.”

“ _You’ve always been like this, why is it different now?_ ”

“Because now people know. Now I know. I can’t- fuck. I can’t do this.”

He grips harshly at his hair and rests his forehead on the counter. “None of them will want a Galra on the team. I don’t know how Shiro can stand being in the same room as me. I’m one of _them_.”

“ _It will be difficult, yes, but do you want to give them the satisfaction of giving up? You’re my paladin, I decide whether or not you’re worthy of being in Voltron. I’m here with you right now, Keith. I’m not going anywhere. Your home is here. Your family is here. You heard Shiro. The others aren’t upset, and Allura can move past this. All you need to do is exactly what you have been, fighting alongside the others, with me, with all of them. We’re here for you, so use us._ ”

Keith pulls his shirt back on. “Can I come to your hangar? I can’t be in here alone right now.”

“ _Of course_.”

You wish you could steady him, hold him upright with your hands, but instead you watch as he walks silently down the halls, trying not to draw attention to himself.

Lance catches him around a corner. “Oh, Mullet, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

Keith straightens his back and crosses his arms. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to let you know that this?” He makes a motion by his head that you think are supposed to be a crude imitation of ears, and you laugh gently in Keith’s headspace. “It doesn’t change anything. You’re still my teammate and sworn rival, so if you needed some reassurance that we’re still good, here it is.”

He holds out a hand, and Keith takes it tentatively. Lance pulls him into and awkward one armed hug.

“Pidge and Hunk are good too. Pidge just wants to figure out why you don’t have any purple furry bits and Hunk is busy trying to figure out how to make sure you still feel welcome here, so don’t feel like they’re avoiding you.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What, making you feel better? I know what it’s like for people not to accept you as you are, buddy. Iverson was a sucker for comparing me to you once you dropped out, always wanted me to know that you were soooo much better than I was. None of us want you feeling like that, so if you need us, we’re here for you.”

Lance finally pulls back, and Keith awkwardly twists his hands together. “Thanks I guess.”

“That is good enough for me! You should get some rest, healing pods really take it out of you.”

Keith nods and gives Lance an uncomfortable pat on the shoulder. “You’re a good pilot, Lance.”

His face does something funny that you’ll have to remember to ask Blue about. You’re actually surprised she’s not here with him now.

“That… doesn’t really have anything to do with making you feel better, but thanks.”

“No.” Keith says, and you can tell he’s clamming up. It’s been a long couple of days and it’s hard for him to talk openly with Lance when he’s feeling okay. You give him a push, let him know he’s doing fine. “What you said about Iverson.”

“Oh,” Lance smiles awkwardly and scratches at the back of his head. “Yeah, no, it’s fine! I mean, Blue wouldn’t keep letting me fly her if I wasn’t good enough, right? And I know everyone treated you like Boy Wonder when you were at the Garrison, so Iverson saying stuff like that makes sense, I guess.”

You remember Blue telling you that Lance is ‘desperate to please,’ and you think you finally get what she means.

“ _This is why he didn’t like you at first. He was always compared to you in school, and he thought that you would do the same._ ”

Keith’s face scrunches up a little. “That’s not really fine, Lance. You shouldn’t have had to put up with that.”

Lance snaps his fingers in little gun shapes at Keith, and you wonder what that’s about. Keith thinks to you absentmindedly that it’s just a gesture people do when they’re flirting or uncomfortable. He’s pretty sure it’s the latter. You think it might be both.

“Really, Keith, it’s fine. I get that you weren’t all everyone made you up to be now, same thing with Shiro. This isn’t the comfort Lance show right now, yeah? You’re the one that passed out and coughed up a bunch of blood just to be told that you’re part purple furry, so the real victim here is you. Not that being a purple furry is bad, per say, just a little uncomfortable since that’s the race of alien overlords that we’re fighting and all. But there’s good ones! Like you and those Marmora guys. Though I wouldn’t really call them ‘good,’ more like morally grey. I mean they did kind of try to kill you just because you had one of their stupid shape shifting knives, but—”

“Lance.” He closes his mouth with a snap. “I got it. Thank you, again. It means a lot.”

He does that little snap thing again, and you feel the immediate urge to use it on Blue.

“Gotcha, hotshot. You should get some rest. Big day of planning tomorrow.”

Keith’s face darkens. “Yeah, planning.”

“Okay, sooooo, I’m gonna go, because this is more than we’ve ever talked before and it’s weirding me out a little bit. Get some sleep, Keith.”

He does an awkward wave salute thing with his hand, and then stares at it like it betrayed him before walking off.

“Well that was weird,” Keith mutters to himself as he continues down the hallway. You can’t help but agree.

“ _He seemed sincere._ ”

“No, not that.” He rubs at his cheek. “He called me hotshot.”

“ _Oh_?”

You look at him, trying to figure out what he’s getting at here. He couldn’t possibly…

“ _Why didn’t you tell me_?”

“Tell you what?”

“ _You like the blue paladin._ ”

“What?! No, no that’s not it at all, you got it wrong, Blue.”

His face is red, and you know you got it right. But he still looks confused.

“ _It’s fine, you know. You can tell me about it._ ”

He doesn’t say anything until he gets to your hanger, climbing inside your open mouth.

“Okay, maybe I do, but that’s not the point here.”

“ _Then what is_?”

“He’s the one that shoots stuff. Why did he call me hotshot? I use a sword.”

You stare at him for a good couple second while he continues to try and figure it out. “ _It’s an endearing nickname. It doesn’t have to be actually true. And besides, you shoot at stuff while you’re in me._ ”

“Oh,” he says as he sits down in the chair. He looks exhausted. “Okay.”

“ _You should take his advice. Get some rest. I’ll make sure no one comes in._ ”

Keith’s hesitant to listen to you, and you can’t figure out why. He looks at your controls like he’s not sure he can touch them anymore.

“ _Keith_.”

He snaps out of whatever daze he put himself in. “Sorry, I’m sorry. It’s fine.”

“ _You deserve to be here. You being part Galra doesn’t change that. Your teammates don’t think less of you. **I** don’t think less of you. Please, don’t put yourself through more trials just to disprove your worth._”

“I’m not—”

“ _Deprecating yourself until you can’t trust yourself isn’t healthy. Please, listen to me just this once. I don’t care if you’re part Galra. I don’t care if you think you’re unworthy of piloting me. I don’t care that society sees you differently than all of us out here, and I don’t care that you’re terrified of the idea of rejection from everyone. I care that you’re Keith, the red paladin, my paladin. You’re from Earth and now you’re here in the middle of space with four humans, two aliens, and five kind of magical strangely sentient cat robots. You’re here, with me, right now. You’re my paladin and I care about you so much that it hurts, Keith. So please, don’t cut yourself down just because you find out you’re different in one more way._ ”

His eyes are damp and he sniffles a little. You pop open the cabinet that keeps emergency supplies so he can grab himself a blanket. He does, wrapping it around his shoulders and burying his face in the soft fabric.

You hum into the shared headspace until he slowly drifts into sleep.

You go and find Blue not long after that, throwing up your particle barrier to discourage anyone from disturbing him.

“Is he okay?” She asks when you find her. “Lance said he kept trying to switch the topic away from himself.”

“He’ll be okay. It’s been a bad couple of days, and he still thinks he shouldn’t be piloting me, that he doesn’t deserve it in some way. I’m trying, but it’s so hard to get him to listen.”

“Lance is worried that he made a complete fool of himself trying to make Keith feel better.”

“No? He did fine. I think Keith just latched onto the fact that he finally knows why Lance didn’t like him at first.”

“He said that?”

“Mhm, something about one of their instructors comparing him to Keith all the time when they were back on Earth.”

“He hates talking about that.”

“It just sort of slipped out. And Keith rolled with it. He also likes your paladin, but we didn’t really get into that.”

“Of course he does. And of course they can’t see that the other one likes them.”

You snap your fingers in a poor imitation of Lance. “They’ll figure it out. We did.”

“Is that- did he do that? To Keith?”

“Yup, a lot. And he called him hotshot.”

“Oh, I can see now why he thought he made a major fool of himself.”

“Keith just thought he did it because he was uncomfortable, so he has nothing to worry about.”

Blue sighs and takes your hands in hers. “The princess is not happy.”

“Well she’ll just have to learn to deal. Keith’s not going anywhere.”

“I know,” she says soothingly. “I know. She’s trying to get Coran to work on a communication device so she can ask you what exactly your reasoning was for letting a Galra be your paladin.”

You scoff. “For one, he’s only half Galra. And you said it yourself, he’s never been off Earth before. And he’s Keith. He’s not Zarkon, he’s Keith. He believes in the cause so wholly because this is the first place that’s felt like home in such a long time. I won’t let her berate my paladin just because she doesn’t believe in good Galra.”

“No one’s asking you to. Just give her a little bit of time. I know she’ll come around.”

Sighing, you concede. “Fine. I’ll give her some time to process. I was reluctant to accept him at first too.”

“There you go.” Blue kisses your forehead. “Everything will be okay.”

You hope she’s right.

\---

Shiro has disappeared, and you’re just as shocked as everyone else standing in Black’s cockpit. Black, incidentally, is clutching at her head, eyes glowing. She’s trying to find him, but you know it’s not going as planned.

The room is silent as everyone tries to process, and Keith makes a small choked noise next to you. Everyone’s eyes turn to him.

“No,” he says quietly, confused. “No? Where is he?”

He looks at Allura, desperately. “Where is he?”

“I—,” she has absolutely no clue. “I’m not sure.”

“ _Keith, I need you to breathe._ ”

He goes into hyper drive, opening all the nooks and crannies inside of Black. He’s not in any of them, of course, but that doesn’t stop Keith from double checking.

“Keith,” Lance puts a hand on his shoulder and Keith turns around and smacks it off, eyes threatening to spill over.

“Don’t _Keith_ me. Don’t try to fucking- fucking calm me down, Lance.”

Lance takes a wary step back and Blue wraps her arms around him. Everyone’s clinging to their paladin like they’re afraid they might disappear too. Black looks lost.

“ _Please, Keith, take a breath for me. Just one._ ”

He tries to listen to you, but his lungs spasm and he can’t pull a full breath in.

You look around, try to asses who the best person for him to talk to would be, because you’re still in a shocked numb. Pidge is clinging to Hunk, and Hunk looks like he might start crying any moment. The princess looks stricken, and Coran has pulled out a tablet to try and find Shiro’s signal. Lance is the only one trying to do something right now. You try to convey that to Keith, and he explodes.

“No! No, no, no I’m not doing this again! This isn’t funny!”

He roughly pushes his way past everyone and out of the lion, pulling off random pieces of armor with shaking hands as he goes. You follow closely behind him, even when he starts running trying to get away from his thoughts and the fact that Shiro is gone again.

He ends up far away from the hangars and any room the paladins regularly occupy. It’s a dark hallway, with minimal doors, but they’re all supply closets. He shuts himself inside a small dark one with nothing inside and sits.

Keith grips at his hair and screams.

There’s nothing you could say to make this better, so you just sit down next to him and let him know you’re here if he needs anything.

This doesn’t make anything better, but his screams die down into something less threatening, loud noises of fear and sadness as he sobs into his knees, still pulling harshly at his hair.

You can feel Blue trying to find the both of you, and you know Lance must be worried. You let her know where you are, but to give it a minute, walk slowly if they have to. Keith needs some time.

You look at him. His hard plating is off, and he’s left only in the stretchy black under suits they wear. He’s got the sleeves pushed up and the gloves off, and he’s doing something you’ve never seen him do before. His hands are finally out of his hair, but he’s biting at his fingers, face flushed and his eyes screwed shut.

“ _Keith_ ,” you say gently. He bites harder, and you’re a little afraid he’ll actually break the skin. “ _Breathe_.”

He says he hates it when you act like a mom, but he tries to do as you ask, sucking in air in shuddery little gasps. He sobs out his exhales, but it’s better than it was. He takes his fingers out of his mouth and tangles them loosely back into his hair.

There’s a quiet knock on the door, and he bites his tongue to quiet himself.

“Help,” you say to Blue, who you know is right behind the door.

It creeps open slowly, and Keith curls up on himself more, making himself as small as possible. Lance pokes his head in, face tight and as neutral as he can make it. Blue is right behind him, phasing her way in next to you. Lance comes in and shuts the door behind him. It’s dark again.

“Hey,” he says quietly. Keith shakes his head, even if Lance can’t really see it. “This really sucks, doesn’t it?”

The turquoise parts of his armor glow in the cramped space.

“This is—,” he starts and stops himself. “Look, I know Shiro was like, the closest thing to family for you up here, and I figured you might need someone right now. Everyone’s really shocked right now and nothing’s processing right, because, well, you know. I’m probably not the person you want, but I’m here anyway, and I’m not going anywhere. Unless you really, really don’t want me here, and in that case I can get someone else and leave.”

“He rambles when he’s anxious,” Blue says.

“I’ve noticed.”

Keith doesn’t say anything, just keeps fisting at his hair, trying to steady his breaths so he’s not actively crying in front of Lance.

“ _It’s okay to cry. He came here for you. They all know you’re upset. No one will hate you for showing a little emotion right now._ ”

“Okay, um, you really don’t seem like you want me here, so I’m gonna go get—”

“No!” Keith snaps his head up and grabs at Lance’s arms, trying to make sure he doesn’t leave. Lance looks surprised, but resettles into a more comfortable position, face softening.

“No,” Keith repeats, quieter. “Don’t… please don’t leave.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Mullet.”

They’re quiet, and you take this time to turn to Blue, finally allowing yourself to shudder your breaths. “Did Black figure out where he is?”

“It’s like he just stopped existing.” She looks shaken, and you see the way she stares at Lance, aching to hold him close and keep him there. “There’s no signal and no sign of him being anywhere in the universe.”

That’s the most terrifying thing you’ve heard. If he existed, Black would be able to feel him, even if it was faint. It’s possible that he’s dead, but you don’t think so.

“Hey,” Lance puts an arm around Keith, and Keith rests his head on his shoulder. “We’re gonna get him back, okay?”

Keith’s breath hitches, and he brings a hand up to cover his mouth, eyes screwed shut again. Lance’s arm tightens around him.

“It’s okay to cry, you know. I… heard you before I knocked.” Keith seems to shrink at that. “That’s not bad! You’re doing better than I would be if one of my siblings disappeared. So don’t feel like you have to hold anything back just because I’m here, alright? I’m not gonna make fun of you or anything like that. I know I can be a huge jerk sometimes for literally no reason, but even I’m not that big of a dick.”

Keith lets out a heavy breath and turns his face into Lance’s shoulder, tiny, sad noises making their way out of his mouth.

“That’s it,” Lance’s free hand comes up and runs through Keith’s hair. “Let it out, you’re doing great.”

Lance, you discover, is much better at comforting people than you ever would have thought.

“He grew up with three other siblings and a bunch of cousins,” Blue says incredulously next to you. “Why wouldn’t he be good at it?”

“He’s always so… harsh with Keith, I didn’t think he could soften up like this.”

“’m sorry,” Keith mutters out between sobs, muffled in the fabric of his bodysuit. “For yelling earlier.”

“Don’t even worry about that, okay? Emotions are high right now. I’m pretty sure we’re all gonna snap at each other by the time this is over.”

This is somehow the wrong thing to say, because Keith finally lets out a normal, audible crying noise and clings to Lance. You let your mind meld with his.

‘It’s never gonna be over he’s always gonna leave,’ is the only thing he’s thinking right now, and you think his history of constantly being abandoned is catching up to him right now.

“Oh god, did I say something wrong? What is it?”

“You’re fine,” Keith mumbles. “You’re fine.”

Lance resumes petting through his hair, and Keith keeps crying into his shoulder. You hold Blue’s hand loosely in yours, and you wonder why you aren’t as upset about this as you should be. All of the other lions are terrified that their paladin could disappear, but you’re not feeling that. You know that Keith is safe, right here with you, but reasonably that’s not true. Shiro should have been safe inside of Black, but he wasn’t.

The thought of her absorbing him crosses your mind briefly, and you physically shake it out. Black would be able to feel him then. But there are times when paladins losing themselves in their lions happens. They’ve always come back, just disoriented, a little off for the next couple days. A complete meld where you control their body and they control yours is always risky. You’re certain Black wouldn’t have tried this, not with their bond so fragile right now.

It takes Keith a while to come back to himself, calm down enough to pull his face from Lance’s shoulder, but he does. His face is red from the crying and embarrassment.

“You feeling any better?”

He nods, quiet. You feel him wonder whether Lance was actually telling the truth when he said he wouldn’t poke fun, and your heart hurts a little.

“ _Of course he was telling the truth. Everyone is vulnerable right now. There’s no reason for him to cruel when you’ve lost your family._ ”

 Keith only nods, scrubbing at his face.

“Do you… want to talk about anything? I mean, I never really got to know Shiro that well, just as like an idol figure and as a leader, and let me tell you, those aren’t the best two sides to know.”

Keith snorts out a laugh. “Oh god he’s so bad with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ Shiro played favorites.” You don’t miss the past tense on this. Lance doesn’t either. “It was always Pidge and me he was good with. I don’t know why. He never had trouble bonding with students before Kerberos.”

You’re pretty sure a lot of things were different before Kerberos, but you’ll keep quiet for now.

“Well, I can get pretty annoying.”

“Don’t,” Keith says, and it’s rough. “He’s not perfect. He has faults. Don’t idolize him, he makes a lot of mistakes, but he tries.”

Lance nods. “Any reason why you’re so upset? I know you two were close, but not like this.”

“I shouldn’t be this upset.”

That confuses everyone in the room, because he has every right to be this upset. This is his friend, his _family_ , and he’s just disappeared for the second time

“That’s dumb. Of course you should be this upset. He’s like family, right?”

“Yeah but I… I already dealt with this. Back on Earth. I should be fine with it now.”

“Keith,” Lance whines, dragging his hands down his face. “That’s not how this works. Just because you’ve lost someone once doesn’t mean the second time around is any better. In fact, I assume it would be worse, because you think you’ve got them back for good the first time.”

The quiet is suffocating.

“Tell me about him?”

This launches Keith into a discussion of how they met, the way Keith hated him at first, thought he was some stuck up upper class teacher’s pet using him for brownie points. And how he was wrong. The way Shiro helped him, and the ways he really, really didn’t. How Shiro is actually just a gigantic dweeb, and ways his advice in the past sucked even more than it does now sometimes.

You half listen, turning back to Blue. She’s relaxing a little more now, still watching Lance with attentive eyes. She’s still afraid he’ll go out of her reach, too far away for him to feel if he’s alive or dead, disappear, just like Shiro. You suspect the others will be like this for a while too.

You’re still not sure why you’re not. For some reason, you have complete faith in the idea of Keith staying right here with all of you. Sure, you may keep a more watchful eye on him, but you’re not worried.

You pull Blue closer, a mirror of the way Lance and Keith were just a few dobashes ago. She sits her head on your shoulder, sighing out a breath she’s been holding for too long.

“It’ll be okay, Blue.”

She hums in response, listening to Keith and Lance talk about the garrison now, and how different their experiences were.

“I think they’re actually bonding this time,” she says sleepily.

Huh. You haven’t thought about that in a while, but Lance is completely lucid this time, so he can’t deny anything. You don’t think he would. You also don’t think Keith wants to be bragging about this.

“Hey,” Lance says after a while, when it’s quiet again. “You should get some sleep. That was a lot and I’m pretty sure Allura’s gonna have us working overtime for the foreseeable future, so you should rest while you can.”

Keith nods and stands up, replacing his gloves. “What about you?”

“Eh, I’m gonna check on Hunk and Pidge to make sure they’re alright. Everyone kinda flipped out after you ran off, so I think I’ll be better off there.”

“Sorry,” Keith rubs the back of his neck. “Again, for freaking out like that, it’s—”

“Like I said, don’t be. It’s freaky, him disappearing like this. We’re going to find him, okay?”

He nods and pulls Lance up next to him. The open the door. Keith almost trips over a pile of armor.

“Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, I grabbed all your armor while I was looking for you. Figured you didn’t want it all over random places in the castle.”

He tries picking it all up in his arms, then sighs and settles for putting it all back on. You and Blue stand groggily. You’ve been cramped in that closet for a while, and exhaustion is catching up to everyone.

Lance walks Keith back to his room, and Blue keeps a tight grip on him on you’re all walking. You stand closer than normal to Keith as well.

When they reach his door, Lance holds his arms out. Keith hesitates for a moment before allowing himself the hug. Blue comes and squeezes your hand before following after Lance as he leaves.

Keith splashes water on his face once he’s in his bathroom, roughly shoving his hair back a couple times.

“ _We’re going to find him_.”

He breathes out roughly, hands gripping the sides of his sink.

“I am going to sleep tonight,” he tells you and his reflection. “And when I wake up we’re going to go find Shiro.”

You know it won’t be that simple, and he knows that too, but you don’t feel like ruining his mantra right now.

He seems to remember that the lions exist after that. “Is Black okay?”

You feel your connection with her, and she’s still looking, fruitlessly, trying to find him. “ _She’s just as anxious as you._ ”

He nods a couple times and changes into something resembling pajamas.

“How are the rest of you?” He asks as he shuts off his lights.

“ _Everyone’s afraid that their paladin will disappear, too._ ” He accepts this as he climbs into bed. “ _I’m not sure why, but I’m not worried about you disappearing._ ”

“Why not?”

“ _I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like you’re going to disappear. I’m sure it didn’t to Black, either. But I’m not worried._ ”

He hums in response.

“ _Get some rest, Keith. You need it._ ”

You’re not worried he’ll disappear, but you do have the urge to stay here and watch over him while he sleeps. It’ll settle your nerves, and it might help him sleep better, knowing your presence is there next to him.

The morning comes too quickly, and they eat breakfast in silence.

You don’t find Shiro that day.

\---

It’s been a month, and there’s still no trace.

Keith is frustrated, but he keeps telling himself that he’s going to sleep, and the net day they’ll find him.

His motivation gets weaker every time he says it.

No one brought up the fact that Shiro wanted him to pilot Black. You’re grateful for this. Black is desperate right now, and that bond would be fragile and harmful.

Keith sleeps in your cockpit more often than not, just in case he gets some signal when he’s sleeping.

Slav keeps going on about multiple realities, and that probably has something to do with it, but no one can figure out _how_ he left this reality, just that he’s most likely not in it anymore.

Keith snapped at him that if he didn’t know _how_ to travel into different dimensions than to keep his stupid beak-mouth shut because it wasn’t helping fix anything.

Slav steers clear of your paladin now.

The Galra empire has not slowed down at all since Zarkon’s fall. The prince picked up right where he left off, and he doesn’t have any ties to Black, so he’s not worried about damaging you.

The fights get harder.

You’re currently in one right now, and you’re not sure why you thought _now_ was a good time for introspection, because it’s definitely not.

“Red! We have to move!”

You and Keith veer sharply to avoid getting hit again. Everyone’s distracted in battles now with Shiro gone, and Allura does her best, but it’s not working.

“Keith, what the hell are you doing?”

“Red’s distracted, sorry, _shit_ this is bad.”

Blue chides you for getting distracted in battle, and you send her an apology.

It’s go time.

You meld a little with Keith, so that he can feel you and you can feel him, and the fight sharpens up a bit.

“There you are,” he says to you, exasperated.

“ _Sorry, thinking. Bad time._ ”

“ _Very_ bad time.”

Things are in chaos. There’s a robeast, but you can’t form Voltron right now, so everything’s hectic and trying to work together through the bonds isn’t working quite as well as everyone hoped it would.

This thing has powerful shots and giant metal claws, and everyone is trying to maneuver around all of it, but it’s hard.

“Keith, pull up!”

“Wha—?” The two of you are hit before he can question Hunk. It hurts, and the both of you sit there shocked for just a tick, and that’s all the robeast needs to snag you in the side.

This is worse than before, you weren’t ripped open before. But now there’s tears in the metal that you can physically feel on yourself and you scream.

Keith is panicking, because you’ve never done this in battle, you’ve never screamed in pain before, but this is pain you haven’t felt in eons.

Your movements are sluggish, and you’re still trying to keep melded with Keith to get the two of you out of here, but the robeast is quick and you are not. The next hit rips the other side of you, gouges into your leg, and sends you spinning towards a nearby planet.

Keith’s head slams into your controls from the force, and you hear glass break. Your legs burn, and you’ve bitten the inside of your mouth to keep from screaming again, but Keith isn’t getting back up.

“… _Keith_?”

He doesn’t respond, body flopping with the movement of your spinning. You can hear the others yelling at him in the com, asking if he’s alright.

You are fast approaching the planet, and you’re not slowing down at all. You’re almost at the atmosphere, and the controls aren’t listening to your brain yell at them. You can’t control your body. It’s locked you out, and only manual override can do anything.

Keith’s out cold and this is bad.

No.

You’re not losing another paladin.

You drag your way over to Keith, trying, trying, trying to make him wake up without you taking over his body. No such luck.

You don’t have time to feel bad about this.

You shove your brain in next to his, overriding any control he had over himself, and it feels weird to have such a physical body again.

Not the time.

With hands that are and aren’t yours, you grab at the controls, pulling sharply upwards and to the left. This slows you down some, and you’re so close to regaining control you just need-

The two of you hit atmo and everything goes black.

\---

When you wake up, it’s to a wave of pain washing over you and the sharp edge of a blade pressed against your throat.

That’s… new.

Blearily, you open your eyes. Keith stands fuzzy above you, eyes cold, sword aimed at your throat.

You shift slightly, and groan in pain when the tears in your side ache. You clasp a hand over them, trying to ignore your leg for the moment. The sword follows your movements.

Taking a second look at Keith grants you clearer vision. He’s swaying just a little, you think it’s residual dizziness from hitting his head. There’s little bits of glass stuck in his forehead, and there’s a cut bleeding sluggishly down his face. He keeps wiping blood away from his eye.

“Who are you and how did you get in my lion?” His voice is dark, menacing.

“I _am_ your lion.”

He scoffs, and his face pulls tight. “You think I believe you? Why wouldn’t Red have shown herself earlier if that were true?”

He crouches down next to you, and you can see purple creeping from the edge of his shirt and up his face. He presses the sword harder against your throat, and you wonder what would happen if your paladin killed you.

“Tell me who you are, how you got past the particle barrier, and why you’re bleeding out in my cockpit or I’ll slit your throat.”

He’s never sounded this scary before, and you cough into your free hand, wincing at the pain.

“Don’t be stupid, Keith. You can’t kill your lion. I know everything about you.”

“Oh really?”

He doesn’t look the slightest bit convinced, so it’s time to break out the big guns.

“You were born in Texas, and you never knew your mom. Your dad disappeared when you were six, and you lived with your grandmother for a year before she gave you up for the terrible excuse of caretaking you call foster care.”

His eyebrows are unfurrowing, and the press of the sword loosens on your throat.

“You went to the garrison when you were fourteen because—,” you cut yourself off with a cry as pain shoots through you. “Because no one would accept you. You met Shiro a-and became friends and the he left so you did too, and now you’re here with _me._ ”

You curl up into yourself and Keith takes the sword away completely, reverting it back into its normal bayard form.

“Red?” He’s so quiet.

“Don’t you recognize my voice?”

“But- what? I thought you were just—”

“Big giant metal lion? We don’t tell because it takes a lot for paladins to see us. Uncomfortable amounts of openness. I’m sorry, you passed out, I didn’t have a choice.”

Now, with blood slicked hands, you have the time to feel guilty. You violated him, took over his body, controlled him from his mind. It makes you feel sick, and the sensation curls in your gut with the pain.

“What do you mean?” The purple is spreading faster, seems to react to his emotions. He scrambles around for a first aid kit, pressing towels to your stomach and leg.

“Took over your body to keep us from crashing harder.”

He’s panicking a little, trying to make sure everything stays in your body, and you laugh.

“What’s funny?!”

“I’m gonna be fine, Keith.” It’s true. You’ve all been able to heal from things like this before. It’ll just take a bit longer this time because things are worse and you can’t seem to revert back into the metal shell. “How do you think I healed myself before? It just hurts is all.”

He grumbles something about that not being better, but relaxes a bit, sits back against the arm of the chair on the floor.

“Don’t panic,” you say, “but you’re turning purple.”

He freezes up, and you swear his breathing stops. “What?”

You rub at the part of your face where it is, and Keith grabs a mirror. “I think it’s some sort of self preservation instinct. Does anything hurt besides that bump on your head?”

He nods very slowly, poking at his cheeks. “…My ears and my mouth hurt. I thought it was from the crash, but…”

Keith pulls off his helmet, and you stare at his ears. He looks at you in panic. “Do I look?”

Nodding, he does, and his eyes widen at the overextended pointed flaps coming out of his head. They’re covered in the same black hair that he has on his head, and he brings a hand up to touch them gently.

“You look more like a cat than I do.”

He shoots you a glare, but goes right back to staring at them. They move, a little, and his face is stricken.

“This isn’t good, this is so not good.”

You want to reach over to him and hold him close, but the pain is still debilitating.

“The others already—”

“It’s different if I look like one.”

He’s pressing against his jaw with his hand, and it doesn’t look comfortable.

“You’re still the same Keith they all know.”

“I’m not, I’m not I’m not I’m not.”

He shakes his head a couple times to reiterate it, but stops and presses his hand harder against his jaw.

“What’s wrong with you mouth?”

“It feels like my… teeth are shifting. Doesn’t feel good.”

You take a couple deep breaths and drag yourself next to him, wincing. He looks at you like you lost your mind. You just pull him down onto the not bloody parts of your lap. He’s very stiff until you brush his hair back, humming.

“Try to relax, please. I don’t think there’s any way to reverse whatever’s happening to you, if your teeth are moving.”

He doesn’t relax any more than he already has, and you sigh, continuing to pet through his hair, rub over the newly grown ears. They’re sensitive, you learn, and if you rub them right he goes limp. Excellent knowledge to have.

This is the first time you’ve actually touched your paladin, and while it’s not the best circumstances, you enjoy it all the same. You’re glad he’s trusting you again. Waking up in pain with a sword on your throat isn’t fun.

Keith makes a whining noise you’ve never heard before, and suddenly spits into his hand. There’s bloody saliva covering a tooth, and his heartrate kicks up.

“Shhh, I know it’s uncomfortable, just breathe. Just breathe.”

“I’m growing in teeth,” he says, voice horrified. They’re sharp, aren’t they? Oh god.”

You grab for the first aid kit. Your wounds are healed enough for you to move without agony following. There’s a cold pack in here somewhere, and when you find it, you activate it, wrapping it in a stray cloth. These get cold, and you don’t want him getting frostbite.

The purple is covering over half his face now, splotchy and dotted where it’s still spreading. His eyes aren’t changing, and you’re glad. That would be even scarier than the teeth, eyes morphing while in his sockets.

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything for you to suck on, but this should help.” You press the cold pack to the cheek not pressed to your legs. His hands are shaking and he’s staring at the tooth.

“Keith, I need you to breathe.”

He’s not breathing, not at all, body shaking, and you think his eyes are wet. You scratch at that spot on his ear again, and the tension leaves his body as he sucks in lungfuls of air.

Taking his hand, you press it on the cold pack. “Breathe.”

You reach around him for his helmet. There’s static from the coms when you place it on your ears, but no voices.

Feeling for the communications inside of the metal, you realize resources aren’t fixing that yet. You concentrate on rerouting some of the energy you’ve built up to make it so you can speak so someone.

“Hello?” There’s nothing. Keith spits out another tooth, and you think you hear a muted sob coming from him. You keep petting into his ears. “Is there anyone there?”

There’s a crackle that sounds like words, but it gets lost again. “Is anyone there? I have an injured paladin with me, and he needs help. We need help.”

“……..who is…? ……..can’t… out.…”

“Please, please, please,” direct more energy there, Red, you need to do it now. A little bit of the pain is back, but it’s nothing compared to the relief of the static clearing. Another tooth adds to the growing collection.

“Who is there? Are you still there? We can’t hear you very clearly.” Allura. That’s Allura’s voice.

“Allura,” you say, “Allura you’re there.”

It’s quiet for a moment. “Red?”

“Yes, yes it’s me. We need help. I’m hurt bad and it’ll take a while for me to heal up, and Keith…”

“What?” you hear shouted from the background. Lance. “What about Keith?”

“Allura can you make this link private?”

She makes a noise of assent, and then the background noise cuts out. “What is wrong with Keith, Red?”

“I need to know,” you growl out before you can stop yourself. “I need to know you won’t hurt him before I can ask you to pick us up.”

His breath hitches below you, and while you’ve been distracted, five more teeth have joined the pile. Blood it slowly dripping out of his mouth and he whimpers. It’s a noise so unlike him that you’re shocked into staring. He does it again, and you grab him a towel, wetting it with water from the kit.

“Why would I…,” you can hear her thinking. “He’s turning Galra, isn’t he?” Her voice is hushed, and you’re so thankful.

“He’s in a lot of pain, is what he is. There’s teeth. So many teeth and so much blood coming from his mouth. His face is almost completely purple and he has different ears. I can’t speak for the rest of his body, but if his face is purple, I assume the rest of him is too.”

You lower your voice. “He’s terrified, Princess. Don’t make me regret talking to you.”

“My… differences can be set aside. We’ve made our peace, but I know it will be more difficult if he looks like them. You don’t have to worry. Please, Red. Tell us where you are. Lance won’t stop pacing because Blue is so worried.”

“Don’t tell the team. Tell Coran, and that’s it. At least until he’s back in the castle.”

“Of course.”

You divert energy to the tracking part of your mechanics, where your tracking signal lies, and the pain comes back. You try not to make any noise, but it slips into the air, and Keith sits up, blood dripping down his chin, eyes concerned.

“We’re on our way,” Allura says before the coms die. You smile at him, patting his head.

“I’m fine,” you say roughly. “Just gotta divert some energy to the tracking signal, that’s all.”

There’s twenty three teeth on the floor next to you, and another one tumbles out of his mouth and into his hand, going into the pile. You press the towel to his mouth as he lays back down, soaking up the blood.

It takes a while for them to get there. Keith has lost the last eight of his teeth and has begun teething by the time Allura knocks on the particle barrier. You didn’t even realize you had it up. Explains what was soaking up so much energy. Relief floods you as more of your healing abilities are put to work.

When Allura enters the cockpit, and she stops short when she sees the two of you. You’ve still got blood on everything and Keith is pressing the cold pack to his mouth like it’ll help him survive.

The two of you look pitiful, and white hot shame flashes through you at the fact you weren’t able to help your paladin enough.

“No,” he slurs. “You did great. You’re great.” His words are stilted and weird because his teeth are regrowing, but you hold him closely.

“Keith,” Allura says gently. “I’m here to help you back into the castle.”

He shakes his head, mollified. “You’re gonna hate me.”

Her hand sits gently on his shoulder. “I won’t hate you Keith. And neither will the others. Coran has a healing pod all set up for you. You won’t have to feel any more of this. Red will be back up in no time.”

Her voice is so sincere, she really has put her issues behind her. She’s nothing but the caring princess she ought to be.

“I think I can fly back if you take Keith.”

Allura nods at you and gently lifts him. He helps himself stand after a moment, but she takes over, lifting him princess style. He presses his face into her shoulder, ears flat against his head. He’s smearing blood all over her flight suit, but she doesn’t comment, giving you a nod before walking out of your cockpit.

You heave yourself up. With the barrier down things are a lot easier. Your wounds are nearly healed, and Allura taking Keith is all the more push you need to get moving.

The flight back up to the castle is rocky, but you make it fine. Allura, Keith, and Coran are there waiting when you exit into the hangar.

“Oh,” Coran says, surprised you’re still in a physical form. You shrug. “It certainly has been a long time since we’ve seen you, hasn’t it?”

“Good to be back, Coran.”

Keith is standing on his own now, swaying a little. You’re pretty sure that head wound gave him a concussion. He looks like he’s in less pain, at least, but he has the towel shoved into his mouth to soak up the leftover blood.

“Why isn’t he in a healing pod?”

“He was very… insistent we wait until you get back.” Allura looks exasperated and amused.

“Keith,” you sigh. “I told you, I heal fine by myself.”

He gives you a look and you mirror it back to him.

“Alright, enough of that.” Coran ushers all of you out of the hangar and into the hallway. “Into the healing pod for you, number four.”

“Where are the rest of the paladins?”

“In the common room. Don’t you worry about them. They’re all very worried about the both of you, though, so expect some attention when he gets out of the pod.”

Keith’s shoulders hunch, and you place a hand on them to steady him. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

You reach the med bay, and Keith changes into that weird white suit you’ve never understood. You take his face in your hands, level your gazes.

“Do you want the other paladins allowed in here while you’re healing? If you don’t, I’ll tell them they can’t come in.”

The towel’s out of his mouth now, and you can tell he’s getting used to the sensation of new teeth. They’re bigger, sharper, when he opens his mouth.

“It’s fine. They’ve probably figured it out anyway.” He’s got a bit of a lisp and his tongue doesn’t know what to do to avoid getting stabbed.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s only for a couple hours, right? Have to talk to them after regardless.”

You wipe the blood from his face and allow him to get in the pod. You’ll stay here, next to him, until he comes back out. If the others berate him, which you’re certain they won’t, you’ll be here.

“Red,” Allura says quietly. “Why are you physical?”

“It’s… he passed out before we crashed, and I was to injured to do anything, so I took over his body so we didn’t hit as hard.”

The healing pod’s glass is cool against your skin, a sensation you haven’t fully felt in a long time.

“You did good,” Coran comes to stand next to you, double checking everything in the pod is correct.

“I don’t think he understands the gravity of what I did. He just brushed it off. It’s violating, having someone take control of your body like that. I’ve threatened him with it before, when he wasn’t taking care of himself. But actually having to do it is something entirely different.”

Blue comes in, phasing through the wall, and stops when she sees you. She’s noticed you’re whole again.

“Blue’s here,” you say to Coran and Allura. They nod and move to leave. “Let the others know they can come in if they want. Keith’s fine with it.”

Nodding again, they leave the room. Now it’s just you and Blue.

“What happened?” She looks at Keith in the pod and her face mimics the funny look you’d seen on Lance the other day. “He’s gone full Galra?”

“Not entirely. I don’t think his eyes have changed. His teeth are different now.”

You can still touch each other when you’re like this, and you’re glad, because you need to be a physical presence near Keith to scare of anyone who wants him harm. You won’t let these paladins hurt yours.

She wraps her arms around your waist. “Why are you physical? I thought you said you wouldn’t with him.”

“Had to take over his body to keep us from crashing harder.”

“Oh Red,” she squeezes you tightly, and you melt a little, burying your face in her shoulder.

“He’ll be fine, but I—”

“You did what you had to. He’ll understand that. I don’t think he’ll understand why you’re so upset, though. He’s practical about things like this. If you did it to save him, it doesn’t matter how, just that you did.”

She’s right. She’s always so, so right.

The door opens again, and the other paladins tumble in after each other.

All three of them stare at you, and you straighten up.

Hunk’s eyes travel up to Keith first. “Oh my god,” he breathes out. “He turned purple.”

They come up closer to the pod and you cross your arms, daring them to say anything nasty. Blue goes and curls around Lance.

“Will he always be like this?” Pidge is resting a hand on the glass, observing him.

“I believe so.” Your voice is tight. “Is that a problem?”

“No,” they say, quick to amend. “Just interesting. What’s all different about him?”

“The ears and the skin you can see. His teeth are new as well. Bigger, sharper. It’s a defense mechanism, I think. Wake up crashed and alone, you need a body that can heal faster and defend itself better.”

“How did his teeth change?” Hunk is torn between looking at you and looking at him.

“Fell out, regrew. It wasn’t pleasant. There was a lot of blood.”

Lance looked pained. Him and Blue are having some quiet conversation that you’re pretty sure you’re not meant to be a part of, so you stay quiet. He finally focuses on you.

“So, are all our lions like this?”

“Yes.”

“Why can’t we normally see you then? Could I see Green if I asked?”

“It’s not really that simple. There are two ways to go about it, that I know of. The first is nice, good for you and you lion. It’s a lot of deep bonding. Don’t doubt your bonds with your lions when I say this, it’s very difficult to master, even for us. You have to let each other in completely. There isn’t anything left a secret, you can access each other at anytime, anywhere. You become one with your lion, and vice versa. It took a long time for me and my former paladin to get there.”

You haven’t thought about them in a while. It stings. But not as bad as it once did.

“Is that what you and Keith did, then?” Hunk looks hopeful.

“No.” You’re quiet for a moment, trying to think of how to word this without scaring them off. “No, this was rushed and risky.”

“What do you mean?” Lance looks hesitant to hear, and you wonder what Blue’s already told him.

“There are certain ways that we, your lions, can bypass all of that. It’s left for the direst circumstances, because we feel guilty and you feel—”

You take a breath, looking at each of them. “It’s incredibly violating. It’s a bit like possession. We can take control of your mind, your body, and force it to do what we need it to. Everything in your brain is open afterwards, we can see every single thing you’ve ever thought and felt. Barriers aren’t opened, they’re smashed. There aren’t any secrets left between you, because you’ve been in their mind, and they’ve been in yours by circumstance.”

Hunk looks a little sick, and Pidge’s face is carefully neutral. Lance looks one step away from livid. Blue’s doing her best, but he’s angry with you.

“Then why would you do it? If it’s that gross and disgusting, why would you do that?!”

You drag your hands down your face. “I didn’t want to, but I was locked out of the controls and he was passed out. Both of us could have died if I hadn’t. I… I’ve threatened it before, when he wasn’t taking good enough care of himself, just to get him to sleep, but I never thought I’d actually—”

“Red,” Blue says gently. “Red please, calm down.”

You haven’t had enough time to dwell on what you’ve done. First you had to heal, and then you had to take care of Keith so that he’d actually relax while he changed, but now you’re here, under heavy fire from Blue’s paladin, and you _know_ what you did was wrong, and you _know_ that it’s disgusting and violating and you expect Keith to hate you once he figures out he can’t lock his brain from you anymore.

You turn your back on the others and look at him, frozen in the healing pod, body changed in way he should have never had to deal with. A hand presses on your shoulder and you flinch.

“I’m sorry,” Lance says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re right,” you say, and it comes out watery and choked.

“You clearly feel bad about it,” Hunk says. “And it seems like you two were headed toward the first one, so is it really all that bad?”

“You don’t understand,” you turn to him sharply, body rigid. “I can hear every single thought he’s ever going to have. You know how both you and your lion can block your thoughts from each other? _Never._ He can’t keep anything to himself _ever._ This is a level of trust that he’s not ready for, and I’m fully aware of that. He has a hard enough time opening up as is.”

“What about you?”

You look at Pidge, confused. “What about me?”

“Well it’s a two way street, right? He can’t keep anything from you, and you can’t keep anything from him.”

“Yes, but I—”

“It’s hard for you, too. You said yourself he wasn’t and isn’t ready for this, but what about you?”

“Blue says you’re not, either.”

“Thank you for that excellent input, Lance.” Your voice is very dry.

“Exactly,” Hunk says. “You’re doing the Lance thing.”

“The what now?” Now he looks offended.

“The Lance thing,” Pidge chimes in. “Where you think you’ve wronged someone by doing something that hurts you too and spend all your energy making sure they’re okay while you’re still hurting.”

“I- I don’t do that!”

“Yes you do,” Blue says in his ear.

“Not you too!”

“Regardless, I’m the one at fault, and now he has to live with it.”

“But you do too,” Pidge says.

“You’re not getting it.”

“Red, they’re getting it just fine.” Blue comes and hangs off of you for a while, and you visibly relax. “You’re the one having a hard time here.”

“Personally, I think he’ll be more worried about being an actual purple furry now,” Lance says.

You laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. “Look at me. Needing advice from children.”

“Um, technically Hunk and I are adults.”

Pidge huffs, leaning their weight on the glass of the healing pod.

“I’ll remind you that I sat around doing nothing for ten thousand years, and that I was alive well before that.”

Hunk pokes at your cheek, and you give him a bewildered look. “So, do you guys just not age?”

“Well, look at the Alteans. Coran is upwards of six hundred years old. Our lifespans are long, so we age accordingly.”

“That’s incredible,” Pidge says.

“Not for us.”

The five of you sit there, explaining things back and forth to each other, for the remaining few hours. Blue pretty much stays glued to your side the entire time, still trying to get you to understand that what you’ve done isn’t terrible.

Coran and Allura join you near the end, Coran bringing in some weird, strangely sweet dish for you all to munch on. Lance describes it as remarkably not terrible, and Coran beams at the praise.

The healing pod beeps a few times, and you stand, ready to help him out.

Keith is groggy when he pulls himself out of the pod, eyes half open. You’re happy to note that they’re still normal.

He looks at you in surprise as you sit him down in the circle with everyone.

“Kinda thought I was hallucinating you having a different physical form, but I guess not.” His words are choppy, and he winces a few times as his tongue scrapes over sharper points.

“Nah,” Lance says. “You just get to be the first one to see theirs.”

You watch as Keith realizes he’s surrounded by people, his team, including Allura and Coran, and it’s interesting to see the way the purple pales very quickly.

“Keith,” you say quietly, and he turns to face you, eyes wide. “You’re fine. Nobody here cares that you’ve turned purple and got different ears and teeth. No one.”

He nods and audibly swallows before turning to face the rest of them. Hunk hugs him first.

“I’m so glad you’re okay! You guys crashed really hard, and then the coms went out, and so did your signal, no one knew where you were and I’m so glad you’re safe.”

With shaking hands, Keith returns the hug, wrapping his arms around Hunk. You watch his eyes light up.

“I get a Keith hug? No way! Even Pidge hugs people more than you do.”

“I take offense to that,” they say as they come and lean on him. He’s thinking that it’s getting too crowded, but he doesn’t want them to let go. You watch his expression change as he realizes something’s not right with his thoughts.

“Well it is true,” Lance says as he joins the Keith pile. “You two hate getting touchy with people, so when you let us, we gotta soak it up.”

You’re still right next to him, and Blue’s kind of in a weird spot half in you and Lance. Allura and Coran sit at the top of the steps to the healing pod, close enough, but not quite touching.

“Allura,” Keith starts and stops.

“I already told you Keith,” Allura rests a hand on his shoulder, face gentle. “You’re fine. I can only speak for myself, but I assume Coran agrees when I say that nothing has changed. You are a paladin and one of my friends, my family.”

Coran nods. “Quite right! No one here harbors any ill will towards you for you remarkably fuzzy ears.”

Keith’s response dies when he hears that. “Are they really that fuzzy?”

“They’re soft too,” you suggest to the room.

Lance takes this opportunity to dig his fingers into his ears, and you’re vaguely impressed at his ability to find the Melt Keith switch so fast. He slumps onto Lance, and the entire room stares at him.

“Felt nice,” he says defensively. You laugh in your head, and Keith’s bows furrow. Oh right, he can hear everything you think now.

“Red,” he says, looking at you. “What’s wrong with my head?”

“Ah,” this is difficult. Very, very difficult. “It’s my fault, really.”

“She’s doing the Lance thing,” Pidge tells him, and Keith nods, you’re actually surprised he knows what that is.

“Will you guys quit calling it the Lance thing? Red’s doing it right now. Let’s call it the Red thing.”

“Red could squish me, I’d rather not,” Hunk says. Lance looks away and grumbles to himself.

“But why can I hear you? Like, all the time. There’s no stop.”

“We were falling, and you weren’t waking up, so I took over your body. It makes the bond deeper, but not in a good way. I can hear everything you’re thinking and feeling all the time, and you can do the same with me. I am so, so sorry.”

“You did it to save us, right?”

You nod.

“Well then it’s fine.”

“Keith—”

“I can feel how guilty you are, Red. Honestly, it’s okay.”

“But you can’t shut me out.”

He makes a frustrated noise and shuts his mouth. ‘Red,’ he says to you in your head. ‘You can feel everything I feel. So stop trying to block out the part where I’m fine with this. Sure, it’s weird. Really super weird. But we’ll deal with it, okay? Honestly I kinda thought you could do that already, hear all my thoughts all the time. Now it’s just the other way around to.”

“Okay,” you say quietly.

“Well, that was fast.” Hunk looks surprised.

“They can talk in their heads all the time now, Hunk. Of course it was fast.” Pidge is trying to get Keith to open his mouth so they can look at his teeth. He knows they won’t give up, so he reluctantly opens his mouth.

“Whoa,” Lance pokes his finger at one of them and yelps, shaking out his hand. “Why are they so sharp?!”

“It’s kind of the worst,” Keith says. “I keep stabbing my tongue.”

“Don’t press as hard?”

“I don’t know. It still feels like they might stab me.”

This is better than you expected from anyone. You didn’t expect Allura to be as fine with Keith being visibly Galra as she is, and you didn’t expect the rest of the team to accept it as quickly as they did. You certainly did expect Keith to be fine with always having his head on display to you.

He gives you a look that you know means to stop worrying so much. You’ll concede, just this once.

This goes on until everyone is too tired to stay upright for long, slurred speech sending them to their beds. You dematerialize yourself and walk alongside Blue as the two of you walk with your paladins back to their rooms.

“So,” Lance says when they reach Keith’s. “Today was eventful.”

“Yeah, I’m all purple now.”

“You know no one cares about that, right?”

“I know, don’t worry so much Lance.”

Truthfully, he’s still not entirely sure, but you’ll keep your mouth shut about it.

“Yeah, yeah, I worry too much. It’s just that you mean a lot to us. To me. And you guys crashed really hard. No one was really sure if you were alive, so you coming back fuzzy and purple is more that okay.”

“Lance—”

“Like really. Honestly, the ears are kinda jarring, but in a good way? Like, cats. You look like a cat, but also like Keith. This isn’t going well. What I’m trying to say is that you look nice.”

Keith is taken aback, eyes wide, cheeks darkening. “Um, thanks? I think?”

Lance smiles unsteadily. “Yeah, it’s a compliment, don’t worry.”

“You look nice, too.”

They really are butchering this. Keith tells you to shut up in his head. Blue’s trying not to laugh next to you.

“Haaaaa thank you.”

Keith’s brain is blanking out, and you give him the only idea you can think of. Finger guns.

He finger guns.

Lance snorts before laughing, clutching at his stomach. Keith scowls. “What?”

“I’m sorry, it just looks so out of place on you. You _never_ do stuff like that.”

“Yeah, well, what am I supposed to say after we say we both look nice? I don’t know what to do here. I honestly never thought I’d get this far.”

“Neither did I, honestly.”

Oh god, they’re terrible at this. Even you and Blue didn’t skirt around the subject this much. You rematerialize.

Grabbing their hands, you put them together. “Figure it out.”

You go invisible again. Keith is screaming at you in your head and you laugh.

“Well that was mean,” Blue smiles at you.

“Oh come on, they’re dragging it out a whole lot.”

“So, um, do you want to, maybe, try this?” Lance motions with his free hands between the two of them.

“Yeah, I think that would be fine.” Keith smiles at him.

“Okay! Cool! I’m gonna go before I mess this up even more than I already have, so good night kitty cat. Sleep well.”

Keith watches as Lance goes to his own room, and when the door closes, it finally clicks. “Wait, kitty cat?”

“ _The ears_ ,” you tell him.

He buries his head in his hands and groans. “I’m going to bed. And I’m not gonna think about how many stupid nicknames I’m going to hear. Goodnight.”

You and Blue meander down the hall, back towards your hangars.

“Are you feeling any better about the bond?”

“I still feel guilty.” There’s a sharp ‘STOP’ from Keith that you choose to ignore. “But I think it’ll be okay.”

“It _will_ be okay, Red. He’s still your paladin. And you’re still his lion. He wouldn’t ever hate you.”

“I really should stop doubting you. You’re always right.”

“One of my many talents.”

She kisses your cheek gently. As you turn a corner, you find the other three, sitting together. You’d wondered where they were.

“You’re okay!” Green and Yellow yell at the same time, running up to you.

“Of course I’m okay. Takes more than a planet to stop me.”

“Red,” Black says, wrapping her arms around you. She’s at a loss, and you don’t blame her.

“I’m _fine_ , believe me. Keith and I are fine. Please, don’t worry so hard.”

“I’m sorry,” Black says. “You were right, and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. Shiro’s gone, and before I got to tell you, you almost—”

“Black, shush. I get it, I do. You don’t have to apologize.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“But knowing I’m right is always appreciated.”

She laughs and tightens her arms. The others wrap around you as well. It’s tight, almost suffocating, but you think it’s sweet. You can deal for a few minutes.

This castle, your home, is warm and full of so much life. Until you find Shiro, it won’t be complete, but for now, the five of you are enough.

That’s all you ever wanted, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> this story has been in the works since early february  
> the goal word count was 10,000 words  
> i kinda blew over that.  
> whoops  
> i hope you liked it, there was a lot of time spent on this mionster fic


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